Things happen in every relationship that trigger angry, vein-popping flare-ups. One moment you're the perfect spouse but then something pokes the sleeping monster within making you so angry that you could body slam the Incredible Hulk!
Even so, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with anger. How do you deal with yours?
Are you the kind of person who gets defensive when angry?
Do you thoughtlessly react to your spouse’s words or actions without taking time to clarify what they really meant to say, only to learn later that you jumped to the wrong conclusion?
Or do you face the conflict with the belief that your spouse wouldn't intentionally
hurt you?
An angry, defensive spouse listens with the intention to defend or attack, not to understand. This can make things go nuclear pretty fast where total and mutual annihilation becomes the goal. It's a situation where even if both parties win, they lose.
Managing
Anger
Some psychiatrists believe that anger is the result of cumulative events, which is why some people appear to be angrier than others. They could be holding in anger from as far back as their childhood.
The first step in dealing with anger is to acknowledge that it exists; acceptance allows healing.
So the next time you feel upset, be honest with your partner. Explain how you feel and why you’re angry, without blaming them for your feelings.
If your spouse knows what upsets you, he or she can help you to avoid those situations in the future or support you in working through any underlying issues.
What NOT To Say When You're Angry
If there’s ever a time to choose your words carefully it’s when you’re angry. Everyone knows this...but not everyone does it.
Before saying something you’ll regret later, try to think of the emotions your words will trigger in your partner.
AVOID mentioning ‘divorce’, ‘separation’ or past relationships.
These manipulative tricks might help win the argument but are very
hurtful and damaging in the long run.
And please, whatever you do, leave the children out of it; avoid referencing them during the argument (if they’re the reason you’re angry and arguing, seek help from a qualified counselor, coach or therapist).
These simple tips aren’t intended to be the
perfect solution for anger issues. They’re merely intended to prevent things from going nuclear in your marriage.
Remember, you’re in control of your body and mind; so don’t let anger control you.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker & and the Mad About Marriage crew and we YOU to be
mad about marriage!
