Not every disagreement has to turn into World War III where you threaten your spouse with the nuclear option if they don’t stand down.
Granted, if your marriage is filled with years of conflict and unresolved issues, it doesn't take much to send you over the edge.
However, you CAN diffuse an argument and stop the fight in its tracks, if you
want.
WWE vs. United Nations - How Do You Deal With Fights?
Couples sometimes rely on unhealthy conflict resolution styles to avoid fights and arguments.
For instance, some spouses will yield or give up on an issue to avoid an argument. But when this happens, the yielding party leaves the ‘ring’ feeling resentful while the other feels like a winner. Giving in isn't the answer.
Other couples bury
the issue and never discuss it. This can trigger undesirable behaviors such as emotional or physical infidelity, workaholism, or addictions because people always find a way to ease their pain.
Lastly, there are those who stop at nothing to win a fight. They will use verbal, emotional or physical intimidation, threats, guilt, shame, manipulation. It gets real ugly. And the "loser’" usually ends up feeling depressed and resentful.
If you recognize yourself in any of the above examples, it’s time to clean house and learn some healthy conflict resolution styles.
How to
diffuse an argument...
Take a break...and calm down.
When feeling angry or overwhelmed, step away. Inform your partner that you’re taking some time to calm down before continuing the discussion.
It’s okay to sleep on it if you have to. Rest clears your mind and focuses you on the real relationship issues, which might not seem as important the next morning.
Own up – If you did
something to tick off your partner, own it. Let down your defenses and take responsibility for your part of the fight. This goes further than you know in diffusing conflict.
"But" is out of the question... Do NOT use the word “but” because it’s passive aggressive. When you use the word "but" you're only pretending to accept your partner’s position but all you're really doing is reaffirming your own.
Use humor – It’s hard to be angry in a situation that you find funny. Finding humor in your relationship problems can diffuse anger, allowing for a rational discussion.
Reconnect through touch...When all else fails to fix your relationship issues, simply hold your spouse tightly in a loving, caring embrace. This makes you and your partner feel connected and helps remind you of what’s really important.
Until next time this is Mike Tucker & I want YOU
to be mad about marriage!
