We get angry when people break our expectations, especially in marriage.
With regards to marriage, this expectation thing can be very complicated because:
1) A spouse’s expectation is commonly influenced by their upbringing - which their partner probably doesn’t know anything about because they weren’t there.
2) The spouse might be unaware that they even have a certain expectation because it was instilled within them at such a young age. Their expectation might not even be their own but it’s all
they know (this is when therapy or coaching might be helpful).
So what do you do?
1) Keep expectations fair. Expectations are your rules for how the relationship should work.
Do you
have rules for your spouse to which you don’t hold yourself accountable?
If so, that it isn’t fair. If anything, you should hold yourself to a higher standard.
2) Share your expectations with your spouse. It’s your job to tell them; it’s not their job to read your mind. AND, it’s possible
you have some rules they don’t agree with.
What to Really Expect In Marriage
- You will always have relationship challenges in your marriage. What matters is how you handle these issues.
- Be patient when things don’t go as expected. Blaming never helps. Ever.
- Be real. Marriage is a union between flawed people. Forgive when they let you down; compromise when they don’t agree with your rule.
- Your spouse WILL annoy you
occasionally. Marriage has a way of magnifying annoying habits. Lovingly, delicately discuss what annoys you (perhaps check the thesaurus for a nicer word than “annoy”.)
- Sometimes it'll feel like your partner isn’t doing their share, creating feelings of frustration and under appreciation. So discuss the sharing of responsibilities.
- You won’t always agree but always show respect. Discuss your different/opposing perspectives and then work them out.
- Both of you will change physically with time due to aging and other factors. Strive to maintain the standard of good health from the inside out.
- Sometimes it takes time to become soulmates. Many spouses say that their partner became their soulmate after they’d been married for a while. Your spouse won’t be able to naturally fulfill all your needs as soon as you get married but, with time, as you grow into each other’s lives, they will get better at it.
The above tips can help
redefine your marriage expectations by making them more realistic and easier to deal with problems when they arise.
One of the simplest, healthiest things you can do is check your rules. Do you have too many?
Fewer expectations = a happier
marriage.
Until next time this is Mike Tucker and the Mad About Marriage Crew and we want YOU to be mad about marriage!
