Are there times when you feel as if your spouse isn’t listening to you - that you're not being heard?
Your style of communication could be working against you.
Have you ever listened to how you talk? Your tone and body language might be sending the wrong message.
First, consider this: How do you express negative feelings such as disagreement or
disappointment?
Outbursts shut down communication because they make people emotional and defensive.
So try to hear yourself to become more aware of how your spouse is hearing you.
Make
sure that you’re attacking the problem and NOT the person.
Making it personal by saying things like, “You’re so in/sensitive” won’t get you anywhere (even if it is true).
You’d have better luck saying, “I feel unloved when this happen.”
It helps to be specific by pointing to the exact problem and why you feel it's a problem.
Secondly, when communicating your negative feelings, do you at least acknowledge your partner’s feelings?
For all you know,
your spouse could be having similar feelings. Again, you don’t want your partner becoming defensive because it will hamper your ability to solve the problem.
Thirdly, how do you express positive feelings including approval, appreciation, and affection?
Many couples spend too
much time on negative feelings and not nearly enough time on positive feelings.
We learn this nasty habit in childhood when so many of us received condemnation for wrongs and very little appreciation for our good qualities or what we did right.
**** To achieve effective communication
in relationships, you must express your positive feelings about your spouse more frequently. *****
Quick Tips to Improve Communication in Marriage
• When and where you choose to talk to your spouse influences the outcome of your conversation.
If you have a pressing matter to discuss, find a time and place for your partner to offer their undivided attention.
Don’t attempt a serious conversion when your wife or husband is tired or
preoccupied otherwise it'll be one-sided and unproductive.
• Before you jump into a conversation with your partner on a sensitive topic, ask questions to clarify the issue to clear up any potential misunderstanding on your part; innocent until proven guilty,
right?
Listen to the answers your spouse gives without judgment, and watch your spouse become warmer and much more communicative in your marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker and the Mad
About Marriage crew and we want YOU to be mad about marriage!
