Ever feel like you’re a terrific mom or dad but “not such a terrific” spouse?
It seems when you excel in one area of life another suffers.
If things are going great at work, there’s room for improvement at home because it’s not getting as much energy, focus or attention.
Same deal with being a parent and spouse.
It’s hard to be outstanding at both; and it certainly
doesn’t happen automatically.
So consider these rules for being a great mom/dad (or another role of your choosing) without letting another area of your life suffer.
Set Boundaries
Boundaries are necessary for you to feel happy and
fulfilled.
They’re the fine line between misery and joy. They are the tangible implementation of your decision to be in charge of your life.
You’re a grown up. This is your life. And it’s your job to make rules and enforce them.
For example, outlining when the kids are allowed into your bedroom and how they are to behave is an important boundary for marital health.
A common complaint among couples after having kids is the loss of intimacy; it’s a big problem.
Hey, it’s great for kids to snuggle/play with mom and dad in their bedroom. But it’s okay to set a boundary to protect intimacy between husband and wife. Get it?
With your kids, decide what works for everyone and set boundaries. For instance, consider letting them know that once you’ve tucked them into bed they’re not
allowed into your room unless it’s an emergency.
Set Priorities
Do your children know that you love and respect your spouse?
The way for them to learn these values is by watching you in action.
(Does your boss know that your family comes first? Do your friends know that your first loyalty is to your spouse? You get the idea).)
For instance, if you can’t drop your kids off at the mall because you promised to pick your partner up from work, which is in a totally different direction from where your kids are
pleading/demanding/negotiating you to take them, calmly explain why you’re not taking them
and leave it at that.
Help them understand that your spouse means as much to you as they do.
This boosts your spouse’s confidence, making him/her feel that they are an important part of the family as well.
Nurture Your Kids AND Your Marriage
Your desire to raise great kids right should EQUAL your desire for a happy marriage.
So when making parenting decisions consider how it will affect your marriage.
Involve your partner in the decision making process - demonstrate that you value their opinion and are concerned with any potential negative impact these decisions might have on your relationship.
In raising your kids, continue cherishing and nurturing your
spouse.
Remember, for your kids to turn out great they must be raised in a loving, caring home.
Keep the Kids out of Your Marriage Problems
You’re not married to your kids, you’re married to your spouse.
Certain things should be off limits and one is marriage problems.
If you’re going through a rough patch, avoid passing along ill feelings to your kids.
Don’t use them to speak to your spouse on your behalf or as an excuse to avoid spending time with your partner, and don’t enlist them as allies.
It’s one thing for your kids to see your imperfections but it’s a completely different matter to expose them to marital conflict as it will fill them with pain and uncertainty.
We’ve only talked about some of the most important rules
today. But once you’ve set your boundaries and priorities, communicate them clearly to your children.
Also, be consistent with enforcing your rules - and enforce them firmly but lovingly.
Before you know it, you’ll be enjoying parenting AND being married more than you thought possible.
Until next time this is Mike Tucker & the Mad About Marriage crew and we want YOU to be mad
about marriage!
