It’s impossible to have a relationship without getting
hurt, at least sometimes.
People hurt each
other.
Love is blissful AND painful, at times.
It’s unrealistic to expect imperfect people to love perfectly.
When they get hurt, some people decide that
NOT getting
hurt anymore is more important than being open & vulnerable.
So instead of dealing with painful experiences when they
come, they pull back and shut their emotions off because
not experiencing pain is more important to them than
experiencing love.
When feeling hurt, the least healthy thing for you to do
is to shut down and pull away long-term from your mate.
Get this, according to researchers, healthy couples require
fifteen hours together weekly just to maintain a strong marriage.
Now listen to this: Couples in troubled marriages require
20 hours together WEEKLY to turn their relationship around.
Twenty hours!!!
When is the last time you had twenty
hours?
Here's the thing, if NOT getting hurt has become a must for
you…if your way of dealing with hurt feelings and rejection is
to shut down and put distance between you and your spouse
because you never want to get
hurt again, then I know
you’re not getting anywhere near the 15-20 hours you need.
(By the way, no one wants to get hurt. But shutting yourself
off only paves the way for even more hurt to come your way.)
You can be numb or you can be happy but you can't be both.
Someone once said that the problem with numbing “bad”
feelings is that you end up numbing good ones, too.
Being happy with your spouse requires a lot
of time in close
proximity physically and emotionally; proximity creates warmth.
You deserve it. Your spouse deserves it. Your marriage
deserves it. And your family unit deserves it.
Here
are some ideas to get you started on your 15-20 hours:
Schedule something fun with your friends
Schedule a weekly date or two (with your spouse…)
Go to a ball game
Attend a play
Snuggle on the sofa while watching your favorite movies
Cuddle in a candle lit room listening to soft music
Take a trip
Go to church
Go for walks - get your 10,000 steps together
Join a cause together; volunteer
Take up a hobby
The important thing is to spend time together – time is more
important at this stage than the activity. But please ensure
it’s something you'll both
enjoy.
Make growing together an absolute must for your
relationship or else you will absolutely grow apart -
especially
when you feel wounded by something
that was said or done in the relationship.
So, dream it. Plan it. Schedule it. Do
it.
Why not take a few minutes right now to schedule
some special time to spend with your spouse this
week in order to either stay close or to begin growing
closer together once more.
Until next week, this is Mike Tucker and the Team and
we want you to be mad about marriage.
