Jealousy is a common issue for many couples.
They think they see or overhear something…
Suspicion builds…
Imaginations run wild…
Conflict flares up and emotional distance sets in.
Two Questions You Must Ask
1) Am I, or is my spouse, prone to jealousy?
If so, proceed
carefully and ALWAYS give your spouse
the benefit of the doubt.
2) Is jealousy a common pattern in my
marriage?
If so, deal with the underlying issues that are eroding marital trust.
Conquer the Monster
Jealousy drives you towards the solution or the cliff. Defeat the
monster and save your marriage. Here's how:
1. Figure Yourself Out.
If you’re the jealous partner, there’s a reason why. What is it?
Ask
yourself:
▪ Does my spouse give me a reason to be jealous?
▪ Does my spouse give me a reason to not trust them?
▪ Is insecurity triggering my jealousy – deep in my heart am
I afraid my spouse will find someone who’ll make them
happier?
Get clear on what’s triggering your jealous reaction.
By the way, trust solves the jealousy
issue.
If you’re jealous, you have trust issues.
Without trust you have nothing. So if/when something happens that
makes you feel jealous, talk about it together before you
start googling
the private investigator listings for your town!
2: Healthy Jealousy.
A tiny amount of jealousy can be beneficial because it motivates
you to protect your marital “territory.”
Jealousy can be a blessing or a curse. You get to choose.
3: Identify Irrational Sources of Your
Jealousy.
Insecurity issues are irrational sources of jealousy.
If you struggle with low self-esteem or self-worth, or if you feel
you don’t measure up and think your spouse could do a whole lot
“better” than you, then let this be the starting place for dealing with
your jealousy.
Start by giving yourself some credit. Your
spouse chose YOU to
spend the rest of their life with.
4. Identify External Reasons For Jealousy.
Face it, there are times in life when jealousy is triggered for
valid
reasons.
If your spouse has been unfaithful, you have a “reason” for being
jealous.
But EVEN IF betrayal has scarred your marriage, whether it was
emotional or physical infidelity, you must move on and work on
rebuilding your
trust.
5. Evaluate How Your Jealousy Is Affecting Your Marriage.
Jealousy can ruin a marriage. Profound, I know.
It might
help if you imagined you were your spouse for a minute.
How would you feel and what would you do if you were the one
having to deal with the onslaught of jealousy coming your
way?
This exercise is useful because it helps you to figure out better
ways of expressing jealous feelings and tendencies.
6. Be Bold!
Realize jealousy for what it is.
Don’t make it worse than it is.
Jealousy is a kind of fear. Don’t let it paralyze you into doing
nothing.
The antidote? Take action!
Love is bold and takes risks!
Put yourself out there! Push through your fear of vulnerability and
take charge of your role in the situation.
Don't let jealousy bully you around making suspicion and hurt
feelings the new normal for your relationship.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker & the Team and we want YOU
to be mad about
marriage!
