It gets so old doesn't it? Marriage experts nagging us all the
time about how the "secret" to a happy marriage is
communication.
Ugh!
This isn’t that (even though it might sound like it
is).
So let’s just forget about communication for a minute and
focus on conversation.
How often do you and and your
spouse enjoy pleasant conversation?
Not small talk like what’s the weather supposed to be
like today or how was work.
I’m talking about the kind of stuff that really good friends share
with each other like hopes, dreams, feelings and fears.
Here are some tips to help you have more and better conversations
with your
spouse:
Conversation Tips
1. Ask open-ended questions.
Asking questions is the easiest way to get someone talking.
Ask open-ended questions that they can’t simply answer
“yes” or “no”.
Draw them out.
Give them the stage.
2. Be Sincere.
Your spouse can tell how interested you really are in them.
They know if you’re just being nice or if you really want to
know. So be fully present; engage them.
Let the tone of your voice and body language
demonstrate that
they are important to you and you're really interested in their life.
3. Invite them to open up.
If you want to know how your spouse feels about something, ask.
Ask a deeper question.
Ask a more meaningful question.
Want a better
answer? Ask a better question.
4. *** Respect the Conversational Window ***
This is huge - especially as it applies to men because there are
certain times when men don’t feel like talking; they
just want to
chill for a while.
It seems to me, and this might be just because I’m a guy,
that women welcome the opportunity for conversation
more often than men.
Even so, there are times when people, regardless of gender,
just don’t feel like talking right now.
So relax and let it go.
Give your spouse some space.
Be patient.
Either they’ll bring it up later or you can.
5. Let them
finish.
Few things kill a conversation faster than someone who
constantly interrupts.
Let your spouse finish their thoughts.
And please, whatever you do, don’t finish their sentences for
them (at least not all the time) because it can make them feel
that you’re anxious for the conversation to be over, OR that
they’re boring you, OR that you're really more interested in what
you have to say.
Sure, finishing their sentence can be kind of “cute” because it
shows you’re so “in-tune” with each other.
But it can also be a way of hijacking the conversation so you
can do most of the talking by cutting them off so you can get
to what it is you really want to talk about.
6) Let Your Heart Do the Listening
Let them know you’re fully
engaged and truly listening by summarizing
or restating what they’re saying or feeling every once-in-a-while.
They'll know that what they’re saying is important to you AND
that they are being heard.
It’s called active listening. And it helps to create a safe environment
for deep, meaningful conversation to take place.
These six tips will get you and
your spouse talking more; you’ll have
less small talk and more, hopefully, conversations that you
actually enjoy and look forward to.
Try practicing at least one of these tips today and see the wonderful
difference it makes
in your relationship.
Until next week, this is Mike Tucker and the Team and we want
YOU to be mad about marriage.
