If you had all of the time in the world and very few responsibilities,
sure you could have a great
relationship!
Who couldn't?
But if you're like most people, you don't.
You're overloaded and stressed - a real life Mt. Saint Helens
waiting
to explode.
You know how it is. The stuff of life keeps building and buiLDING and
BUILDING(!) until pent up pressure blows your top.
The truth of the matter is that we have a choice:
We can vent small or big.
Venting small is taking care of things along the way. Venting big is
an all-out epic volcanic eruption.
And if one or both couples are fighting for dominance in the
relationship, watch out! The collateral damage will be HUGE.
So what can you do? You're human. You need to vent.
Here are a couple things you can do to ease the pressure - to vent:
1) Vent before things get out of hand, but if you don't and they do, vent
more effectively by being:
respectful
understanding
compromising
and willing to move forward
Don’t let the conflict define
you.
Don’t let it create a toxic relationship.
Don’t let it shape your perspective on what love is/means.
And whatever you, do don't let
it make you afraid to love fully.
2) The second thing you can do is let off pressure before
things get explosive.
Here are
some explosive topics couples fight about. Talk
about them BEFORE they tear your marriage apart.
Vent before it’s too late, and in the process of discussing
these items, remember to be respectful, understanding,
compromising, and willing to move forward.
1) Money.
Whether money is tight or abundant, couples always, always
fight over how money is used. Don’t let finances rip you apart.
Talk about it now.
2) Jealousy.
This works: NEVER complain about your spouse to anyone of the
opposite sex, OR allow yourself to be in a compromising situation.
You owe this to yourself and to your spouse.
3. Sexual
intimacy/desire.
Couples fight about sex a LOT. But this isn't news to you.
One either wants it too often or the other doesn’t want it often
enough or at
all.
Sexual intimacy is the result of emotional intimacy if it's healthy
sexual intimacy.
If the sex in your marriage is bad or missing, chances are something
else is bad or missing because it's never just about sex.
My best advice is to see a counselor if sex is a source of chronic
conflict in your marriage because I can tell you this: it’s not about
the sex it’s about something else.
And I can promise you this: The need for physical and emotional
intimacy will be met one way or the other.
So deal with it now before this situation leads to even more pain.
4. In-laws.
Here’s the deal: when you get married you become one unit.
You’re one.
You create a new world, a new life. And although you bring your
respective histories into the marriage, there is NO room for your
in-laws to control or meddle.
Your needs come first, and the final decision in every situation
rests with you and your spouse. Period.
Your role is to support your spouse because they’re #1 in your life.
This doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents, but it does mean
that your primary loyalty is to your spouse and your marriage.
This is the natural order of things.
5. Household Duties.
Couples need to divide household responsibilities today, especially
if both work.
It isn’t right for one spouse to do most
of the work at home.
Meal preparation, cleaning, parenting responsibilities, etc, are things that
should be divvied up fairly.
Everyone needs the chance to rest and enjoy life.
No one should become someone else’s servant, nor should certain
responsibilities be expected of the other just because of their gender.
A man can do the laundry just as easily as a woman.
A woman can take the car in for maintenance just as easily as a man.
Negotiate whatever is comfortable for your relationship.
And remember to be respectful, understanding, compromising and willing
to move forward.
If you do these things, you won’t have as many “volcanic” moments
in your life.
Until next time this is Mike Tucker and the Team and we want
you to be mad about marriage!
