Fights Happen.
You and your spouse will Argue.
We’ve heard it all our lives: Never go to bed angry with your
spouse.
Sure it’s a cliche. But just because it’s a cliche doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
One of the secrets to having a marriage that you actually enjoy and want
to be in is to never let anger simmer, smolder or fester.
Deal with it quickly and move on.
(Easier said than done.)
The strength of the fight isn’t as important as is the strength
of your love.
HOW NOT TO LOSE YOUR HEART WHEN LOSING YOUR MIND
Conflict either drives you apart or pulls you together.
It’s your choice.
Here are some helpful tips:
1) Fight
Don’t pretend you’re never mad, frustrated or annoyed with each other.
You’re going to fight – so fight!
BUT, decide to have a healthy fight - not a harmful one.
Here are the qualities of a healthy fight:
▪ You share everything that’s bothering you – put all your cards on the table.
▪ Respect gender differences such as the following:
Men withdraw, which women take as being insensitive and uncaring.
Women are driven to engage in conversation, which men take as being
disrespectful and critical.
The husband IS
NOT trying to be unloving.
NOR is the wife trying to be mean or disrespectful.
We must always be aware that each gender is wired differently.
It might be helpful to agree
on a cooling off period after which you
promise to discuss the issue when cooler hearts and minds prevail.
Fight when you need to fight but realize that men need to withdraw because
a fight sends them into warrior
mode; and also realize that women will need
to discuss it because that is the pathway for restoring intimacy for them.
Avoidance is NOT an option.
So
remember:
▪ Let the intensity pass until calmer hearts and minds prevail
▪ Listen to each other with love and respect
▪ Make sure you understand what each other is trying to say
▪ Identify the underlying reason for the
conflict
▪ Negotiate an agreement
▪ Make up! (that should be the fun part)
2) Let It Go
Give each other a fresh start – DON’T raise the issue up again - especially
in the heat of another argument. Once it’s dealt with it’s dealt with.
3) Use This Rule (from last week’s tip)
When you have a disagreement with your spouse, you might start the
conversation by saying something like this:
“I know that you would never do anything to intentionally harm me, but
I felt hurt by what you said or did.”
That one sentence is a great way to begin conflict resolution because it
makes people feel less defensive.
4. Newsflash! You’re Not Always Right!
Admit when you’re wrong (which will be more often than you care to admit).
5.
Apologize
Say you’re sorry and mean it, and then move on.
Following these tips pulls you and your spouse together instead of
tearing you apart when you fight.
Do everything you can to
deal with conflict in a timely and effective
manner so that happily ever after will be something more than just a wish.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker and the Team, and we want
YOU to be mad about marriage!
