Happy couples have a code. A set of rules/values/behaviors they
follow regardless of the situation or
circumstances.
If your marriage doesn’t have a code, external forces can rip your
relationship apart, or keep it in constant state instability &reaction.
Happy couples don’t let circumstances shape their relationship.
They use a code to stay in control.
Five Things To Consider For Your Code
You can include whatever you want in your code, but here are
five things for your consideration:
1) Communication.
Don’t assume the worst when it comes to your spouse.
Doing so makes you either clam up (passive aggressive) or
explode
(aggressive).
If you’re going to assume anything, assume this: Your spouse will
never knowingly do anything to intentionally hurt you.
This assumption allows you to discuss issues without
being defensive.
2) Religion
Research demonstrates that praying families prey less on one another
and are healthier, happier and have greater life
satisfaction.
A healthy way to make religion a part of your code is to discuss how/why
spirituality is important to you.
It’s probably not a good idea to get preachy with your spouse.
Bible thumping, manipulation, making threats or giving ultimatums
don’t work either.
3) Trustworthy Partner
The Bible teaches that we should trust God and our spouse.
Your spouse should be your confidant, refuge and partner with
whom you enjoy all that life has to
offer.
Likewise, you should be their trustworthy source of unconditional love,
security and acceptance. They should look at you and feel that their
heart has found home.
4) Money
Couples fight about money. Always have. Always will.
But happy couples tackle financial issues head on.
It’d probably be a good thing for you and your spouse to discuss
the kind of lifestyle you want to have.
Figure out money’s role in
creating that lifestyle.
How much will take? If it takes more than you thought, is the sacrifice worth
it to you?
Is it worth having less time together and more stress? Or would you
be happier to have a little less money but a lot less stress and a lot more time
together?
Either you control money or money controls you.
Happy couples take charge of their money regardless of how little or much
they have.
5) Kids
If one spouse really, really wants kids and the other really
doesn’t, it’s a
disaster waiting to happen.
Couples fight about money, sex, religion and kids.
That's why happy couples
include the topic of “kids” in their code.
You might consider the following:
If you have trouble conceiving, is adoption an
option?
What about IVF?
And if IVF is an option, how much money are you willing to spend/borrow
if
repeated attempts are necessary?
If you have kids, what’s your plan for the adolescent, teen and college
years? How will you
handle those stages of life?
Another thing to discuss is who will be the primary disciplinarian?
What disciplinary style
will you use?
What role will religion play?
How will you balance career and kids? If one spouse has to take
a
break from work, or work fewer hours, who will it be?
Having a marital code, even if it just includes these five things, will
help to protect your marriage from needless
conflict.
You’ll be happier.
And your marriage will be stronger.
Happy couples anticipate issues by dealing with them ahead of time in a
manner that creates the kind of marriage and family they want to have.
They have a
code.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker and the Team and we want you
to be mad about marriage!
