So many couples yearn to be happy again.
I know because I meet them at my Mad About Marriage
seminars; others reach out to me for counseling.
They might be in love but there’s no passion.
They might care about each other but there’s no love.
They want to be soulmates but settle for a friendly connection
that isn’t always so friendly.
They share space, a house, bills, and chores, but not their souls.
They go through their day and live life as if everything is fine
because they think that's what society expects.
They smile and give the appropriate response when asked
how's everything going?, “It’s great!” they will say.
What about you – are you and your spouse
happy?
Spouses who struggle with constant conflict don’t feel
very happy much of the time.
But remember, disagreements are
natural.
*** There isn’t a single pain-free relationship on Earth. ***
Conflict and disagreements can strengthen or sour you.
DO THIS TO BE HAPPIER
I'll share two things you can do to have a happier marriage (most
spouses won’t follow through, though, because they’d rather be
“right” than be happy and in love).
You can be right or you can be happy. It’s your choice.
Defensiveness kills intimacy.
Marital happiness begins with these two
steps:
1) Understand Your Spouse.
You don’t have to agree with them but you must understand them.
You’ll never understand their heart if you get defensive as soon as
they start sharing.
2) Start Meeting Their Needs.
It seems to me that most problems in marriage are a result
of unmet needs.
You have needs.
Your spouse has needs.
But what often happens is that the conflict gets so bad that you
decide that you WON'T meet their needs because they're
not
meeting yours. It wouldn't be fair, spouses tell me.
So it becomes a waiting game. And you wait, and wait, and wait
some more; all the while your hearts drift apart and grow
cold.
You justify it by saying to yourself, "I'll start meeting some of their
needs when they start meeting some of MY needs."
If left unresolved the relationship
ceases to exist and you either
find yourself in a room with attorneys or in a loveless marriage.
Marriage isn't a contract it's a promise that is anchored in
unconditional love ---- not
perfect love but unconditional love.
Unconditional love gives first, it makes the first move, it loves
because that’s all it can do because that’s what it is: love!
Love loves. Love doesn’t wait. Love doesn’t judge. Love
doesn’t bargain. Love doesn’t struggle to be “right.” Love
doesn’t say, “It’s the principle of the thing.” Love doesn’t
lock its heart inside until it thinks it’s safe
to come out.
Unconditional love loves unconditionally.
Unconditional love seeks to understand because it doesn’t
have anything to defend or justify.
Unconditional love seeks to
meet the other person’s needs
first because that's what makes it happy!
Love loves.
As long as love exists in your relationship there’s hope.
So if you’re not happy, work on yourself
first with the goal of
becoming better at loving unconditionally before you start
trying to "fix" your spouse or marriage.
The place to start is by doing whatever it takes to become an
understanding, loving person to your spouse by listening to
them and seeking to meet their needs.
Here are some other things you can do to make your
relationship happier and nicer:
1. Stop making assumptions.
You can’t read hearts or minds. Seek to understand
instead.
2. Show appreciation.
Be a nice person! Stop making them feel that loving or
taking care of you is their job.
3. Use nice words.
The Bible says that a gentle answer turns away wrath. If you
want your
marriage to blow up in your face, fight fire with fire.
But, if you want to be happy again, use kind words.
Be loving and forgiving.
4. Catch your spouse in the act of...
…doing something good/right for a change!
Who wants to be around a fault finder? No one!
5. Overlook their shortcomings.
6. Encourage them.
7. Love Unconditionally
Be YOUR spouse’s source of unconditional love.
Imagine how happier your marriage would be if your spouse
felt you were their primary source of unconditional love?
Decide to be happier today by becoming a more understanding
and loving person…and soon you will feel mad about marriage again.
Until next time this is Mike & the Crew and we want you
to be mad about marriage!
