It could be a close friend who feels entitled to know EVERYTHING
about your relationship because sharing is “healthy” when the
truth is they're only being nosy.
Or it could be that you and your spouse are friends with a LOT of
people – people you enjoy doing stuff with; the more the merrier.
Another common source is the workplace.
Since we spend most of our time with co-workers it's not unusual
for business stuff to overlap marriage.
But here’s the deal, all of these people, everyone we allow into
our lives, influence our life and marriage.
Where The Problem Comes In
The problem is when certain influences create divided loyalties.
Here’s the rule: You and your spouse deserve the majority of
each others’ time, energy and attention. No one else
does.
There are certain topics, information and time that are strictly
off limits to anyone and everyone except for your spouse.
You and your spouse must be very clear on boundaries and
set them with regards to the people in your life.
This should be discussed and agreed upon.
Stay true to whatever you decide because this is your
life and marriage.
Guidelines For Dealing Graciously With Social Intruders
In many cases, a spouse will be really close to a friend, or very,
very close to their family.
As you can imagine, this can create its own set of challenges,
which is why it’s important to know where to draw the line.
Here is the primary guideline to follow:
Your spouse gets the majority of your time and attention
and
100% of your loyalty.
Sure it’s important to have a life and friends outside of the
marriage circle, BUT your spouse is your number one priority
and loyalty.
Your home is YOUR home. This doesn't mean you're not
warm and hospitable. Of course you welcome family, friends
and guests into your home. But it is your home and
you
make the rules.
It can be pretty challenging when it's a family member who
feels that your home
is their home and they can come and
go as they pleas (you know the type).
(The occasional drop-in is fine, but if certain family members
have a habit of presuming upon your kindness then it can
create
a problem).
Even worse is a spouse with a boss who believes it’s either
work or family - despite saying “family comes first.” It’s one
thing to say it but another thing to mean it.
So the boss treats the spouse like their home is an extension of
the workplace and overloads them with work, or, in some cases, feels
at liberty to host certain events there.
Your home is your home – not a workplace or secondary home for
certain friends or family members.
Boundaries are a must.
So talk with your spouse about any concerns that he or she
might have.
I'd suggest giving careful consideration to any relationship or
situation that makes your spouse uncomfortable.
Please, please remember, your first priority and loyalty is always
to your spouse – your best friend and soul mate, the person
YOU
chose to marry and spend the rest of your life with.
Until next time, this is Mike & the Crew and we want you
to be mad about marriage!
