Power struggles with your partner. Boy, those are fun aren’t they.
A power struggle is when a spouse battles the other for control
demanding to run the show.
Sometimes a power struggle takes the form of one spouse shutting
the other out completely.
Here are three common reasons for power struggles:
1) A spouse feels insignificant and is trying to feel important.
2) A spouse is striving for a sense of safety or comfort, which
they believe can be achieved by controlling the people or
situations around them.
3) Protection. They’ve
tried to connect and have gotten hurt. So by
closing you out they’re certain they won’t get hurt again.
So what should you do when faced with a power struggle?
Give-in and get swallowed up? Give-up
and call it quits?
RESOLVING THE POWER STRUGGLE
Please understand that it's impossible to solve this issue
in a single email. But here are three things that might
help:
1) Affirm.
Affirm your spouse often so they know and feel how important
and significant they are to you.
2) Play
Safe.
Make a rule that you and your spouse will never do anything
intentionally to hurt the other or make them feel stupid.
If your partner feels safe with you they'll trust you with their
thoughts,
feelings, hopes, fears and dreams. If they don’t, they
won’t. It’s that simple.
It’s your job to make your spouse feel safe,
significant,
valued, special, cared for, and loved at the deepest
and highest levels.
THE DEEP DARK SIDE OF POWER STRUGGLES
Sometimes power struggles deteriorate into abuse, which can be
physical, mental, emotional or
spiritual.
(Verbal, emotional, mental and spiritual forms of violence can be
as abusive as physical or sexual abuse.)
And remember, domestic violence isn’t gender-specific, especially
when you include verbal and emotional abusiveness.
ARE YOU BEING ABUSED?
if your spouse is constantly exerting control over you, controlling
your life, behavior, choices and actions,
which range from telling
you what you can or cannot wear to the friends you may or may
not have, to where you’re allowed or not allowed to go, or insists
on controlling the finances denying you access to the checkbook or
credit cards (unless you’re recovering from a spending addiction),
then it’s abuse.
Does your spouse monitor your every action or innvade your privacy?
Are your thoughts and feeling always dismissed or diminished?
Does your spouse make fun of you, are you mocked, ridiculed,
put down or threatened?
Do they intentionally make you feel insignificant, helpless,
ugly,
unworthy, stupid, unlovable or weak?
These are examples of abuse, the dark side of power struggles.
NEVER
tolerate that kind of treatment from anyone, especially your spouse.
If you’re in that situation, find professional help immediately to free yourself
from your life-diminishing, and possibly
life-threatening, marital environment.
Whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of thinking that this situation
will take care of itself or that
your spouse will magically change into the
prince or princess you’ve been hoping for.
If you are in an abusive marital situation, get help today.
Until next time this is Mike & the Crew and we want you
to be mad about marriage!
