(Even the law protects husband-wife privacy.)
About your friends...
Your friends are on a need-to-know basis. And you know
something? In most cases they don't need to know!
Sharing intimate details or, worse yet,
complaining about your
spouse to your friends is a recipe for disaster because:
*** It’s none of their business!
And It creates bad feelings between them
and your spouse because your friends naturally take your side. ***
2. About Sex…
Your sex life is a closed book to friends and family.
Sharing the sexual details of your marriage harms intimacy.
The only time I can think of when it’s okay to discuss your sex life outside
of marriage is either with a therapist or medical professional.
3. Two (or more) Against One…
Even when you share details of your marriage innocently with someone
to seek their opinion, the result is harmful because your spouse will
feel like it’s two or more against one.
The outcome?
Your spouse will shut down and freeze you out.
(By the way, it’s rare when a partner innocently shares info to
get someone’s opinion. So often
it’s a matter of them seeking
validation that their perspective is the right one.)
If you and your spouse are in disagreement over something significant,
enlist the help of a pastor or therapist because progress requires
a neutral party.
4. Respecting Your Spouse’s
Boundaries
Your spouse has personal boundaries that you must respect even if
you think they’re silly because it’s your job to support your spouse.
ABOUT PRIVACY...
We live in a
time when privacy is becoming less important, it seems.
Truth is, you AND your spouse each have a right (and a need) for
a certain amount of healthy privacy in your relationship.
Surprisingly, I’ve heard spouses voice feelings that their husband
or wife shouldn’t expect any privacy whatsoever.
Some push it further by claiming that their spouse shouldn’t have
personal space or even own personal possessions.
What???
Although you are married and have become one, remember you’re still
two distinct individuals; you’re special and have your own
identities.
I’ve observed two common reasons why spouses resist the notion
of their husband or wife being entitled to privacy:
1. One spouse distrusts the other for some reason.
2. One spouse has an unhealthy need for power and control.
The idea of their partner having privacy fills them with feelings
of discomfort and uncertainty.
Healthy marriages practice “Yours”, “Mine” and “Ours.”
Dealing With Others Who Ignore Your Boundaries
People who intentionally ignore your boundaries create conflict
and distress; you must deal with them or be hurt by them.
Whether it’s a nosy relative or friend who feels entitled to
having
free access to YOUR life and everything in it including the status
and health of your relationship, it is divisive.
What to do? Present a united front by clearly communicating
your
boundaries by letting people know when they’re venturing into
inappropriate territory that is off limits to them.
So what if your friend or family member is offended? Who cares?
Your marriage is your responsibility. It’s the most important
relationship you will ever have next to God and your children.
So it’s up to you to guard it.
Never feel guilty about building a hedge around your marriage.
A Final Word On Boundaries...
...Whatever is important to your spouse MUST be important to
you.
Example: some spouses don’t mind if friends help themselves to the
food in the cupboards or refrigerator. But other spouses get irritated
because they feel like they’re feeding the entire neighborhood!
I guess what I’m trying to say is this: be considerate of your spouse’s
feelings and be
supportive.
At the end of the day, creating boundaries creates peace of mind and
gives your relationship room to breathe (and grow).
Boundaries create a sanctuary for your marriage.
Until next time, this is Mike Tucker & the Crew, and we want YOU
to be mad about marriage!
