Many couples buy into the myth that divorce is a pathway out of misery
and dissatisfaction. But that's not true.
According to a team of family scholars at the University of Chicago, unhappily
married adults who divorced or separated were no happier, on average, than
unhappily married adults who stayed married.
The study found that even unhappy spouses who divorced and remarried were
no happier, on average, than unhappy spouses who stayed
married. This was
true even after controlling for race, age, gender, and income.
The team of family scholars at the University of Chicago, and the Institute For
American Values, concluded:
- Divorce doesn’t diminish depression
- Divorce doesn’t increase self-esteem
- The majority of divorces (74%) happened to couples who were happily married five years previously
- 75% of unhappily married adults were married to a spouse who was happy with the marriage
- 86% of unhappily married adults reported no violence in their relationship
- Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce or separation ended up happily married five years later
- When divorced couples were rated on 12 parameters of psychological well-being, it was discovered, according to the Institute For American Values, that they were no happier five years after their divorce.
USA Today printed an article on the study saying,
“Divorce doesn’t necessarily make
adults happy. But toughing it out in an unhappy marriage until it turns around just might.”
Linda Waite, one of the researchers, said, “The most troubled marriages reported
the biggest turn-arounds. Of the most discontented, about 80% were happy five
years later.”
Here’s the truth: Divorce isn't the solution people are hoping for.
Oh, and here’s something else: Although most couples want the divorce process
to be as fast as possible, guess what
happens?
Divorce lawyers, generally speaking, make more money IF they can persuade their
clients to drag things out and engage their spouses in bitter battles.
In the end, the divorcing couple is financially spent and emotionally
devastated even more than they were before.
Here’s what one lawyer from a certain law firm has to say:
“And whether we notice it or not… marriage is way more like “Joe and Wilma, Inc.”
than “happily ever
after.” When we say “I do” we then enter into an economic
partnership. We buy cars, houses, books, big-screen TVs. We make babies.
We make plans. We make assumptions. We get disappointed…Like
shareholders, we have invested in the partnership. We invest time, we invest
money and we invest emotions. We invest
all of these in hopes, and we invest
all these things in dreams, and we invest all of these in security. Rare is the man
or woman who can walk away from these investments… so de-investing is painful.”
Nobody cares more about your marriage than you. Not your best friend, therapist,
and especially NOT a divorce attorney.
You owe it to yourself to take charge of your relationship and make things better
because there is no such thing as a painless divorce (or a perfect marriage,
for that matter).
You can do this.
Fixing your marriage is the easiest, fastest and least painful option of all.
You have the power to make a difference in your relationship because
the power
of decision and ability action are yours.
So decide to be courageous and patient as you seek Divine Guidance
to have the kind of marriage you've always dreamed and hoped for.
Until next time this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want you
to
be mad about marriage!
