A common myth about divorce is that it is a pathway to happiness.
Why is it a myth?
Because the relationship troubles that caused the divorce
are rarely
dealt with in a meaningful way. So the underlying causes for marital
unhappiness will likely be taken into subsequent relationships,
compromising whatever happiness is gained.
Here are some things to keep in
mind with regards to relationship
problems and divorce lies:
BLAME
One partner blames the other for their marital problems.
Maybe they don’t feel their needs were met...or that their
spouse didn’t reciprocate their level and quality of love.
Blame is an unhealthy shortcut for dealing with conflict.
Blame is a way for us to feel justified in our decision to end the
relationship in which we felt wronged.
Blame doesn’t always have to focus on a person, though, it
can focus on a situation or set of circumstances.
But a big reason why people blame others is because
they
have unrealistic expectations about love.
For instance, they want to be in love but NEVER get hurt.
They want to experience perfect love, BUT love is always
expressed by imperfect
people.
Everyone says or does hurtful things even when it’s not their intention.
There is no “Mr. Right or Mrs. Right.”
It’s always best to deal with and resolve marriage problems right
now because this is the pathway to marital happiness.
MARRIAGE AMNESIA
It’s easy to forget our commitment to love our partner through
better or worse, in sickness and health, regardless of whether
we're rich or
poor.
When marriage gets tough, it seems the easy thing to do is
walk away.
But walking away can be one of the most painful and difficult things
one ever does.
It’s been said that we are a consumer-driven society. So it’s
easy to view life through the eyes of someone who can buy, sell, or
trade away what they no longer want or need.
Marriage isn’t a commercial transaction it’s a sacred promise.
It’s so easy
to call a divorce attorney when we’ve lost interest
in our spouse or have become frustrated with staying in a
a relationship that is so hard to maintain.
Have we made it too easy to walk away from love?
And what we often don't realize is that what we’re really trying
to walk
away from are certain traits within ourselves that have
played a painful role in creating the unhappy relationship.
UGLY SIDE OF DIVORCE
The ugly side of divorce, amongst other things, is that it removes
a person from a marriage that was good enough to save.
Couples who stick it out learn the truth that their marriage
was good enough to save and that happiness is within reach!
Love and passion are within reach, too. It doesn't take
months
or years to turn a relationship around.
Divorce demolishes a world that two people spent years building.
Who really benefits from divorce? Lawyers.
The legal system brainwashes husbands and wives by repeating
mantras like these:
“You deserve to happy” (you do, but there’s a better way).
“They don’t deserve you” or
“This is best for the kids.”
The divorce process in so many cases becomes ugly, bitter
and mean. The husband and wife become so hostile and
vindictive that they are often blind to the pain they’re
causing their kids.
DIVORCE AND CHILDREN
Children, despite what the experts say, are deeply hurt
during the divorce process (we’ll cover this topic in an
upcoming tip).
Divorce brings out the worst in human nature because a
husband and wife will often use their children as a weapon to
inflict great pain upon each
other.
Whoever says and believes that divorce doesn’t hurt children
or that it’s in their best interest, is naive at best or deceitful
at worst.
If the children had their way, mom and
dad would figure
out a way to work things out and keep the family together.
BE DETERMINED
If your marriage is in trouble and you’ve been thinking about
divorce, I appeal to you today to put those thoughts on hold
and try again.
Take
charge of you relationship by thinking of two or three
things YOU can start giving to the relationship.
Use your pain to motivate you to reinvest yourself into
your marriage.
Figure out what makes your spouse happy and then do
it.
Be forgiving.
Express your love in a way that your spouse understands and
prefers to receive because maybe you like to touch but they like
to hear certain words instead to really feel loved.
Please know that your marriage is a good enough to save.
When you save your marriage you save your family’s world.
Until next time this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want YOU
to be mad about
marriage!
