One of the most common types of pain people suffer through silently is
relationship hurts. Not everyone is as happy with
their marriage as
they appear.
This is why we've taken a few weeks to address the topic of divorce
because although it
may seem like a quick solution it often times
makes things worse and even more painful.
So for the past few weeks we’ve discussed common myths and
assumptions about divorce.
Here are the two most popular:
1) Divorce is a pathway from misery to
happiness.
2) Divorce is best for the children.
It’s tragic that these myths, along with others, have taken on a life of their
own. But it’s even more tragic that couples are choosing to end their
marriages unnecessarily because of them!
Again, before continuing I need to say that it’s not my intention to make
anyone feel bad or
guilty who’s been through divorce.
Gayle and I are here to uplift and encourage you.
Your marriage is good enough to save -
even if it’s your second or third relationship.
Every marriage has its problems and challenges; there is no perfect marriage.
But consider this: In one research study
conducted in the late eighties on
unhappy couples, 86 percent who chose to stay married were happier
when interviewed five years later.
And over half (3/5) said that they were very happy or quite happy.
THE POWER OF SELF-TALK & DIVORCE
A marriage counselor who was working with hundreds of couples who were
seriously considering divorce observed an interesting pattern:
Much of the time, one spouse (sometimes both) engaged in negative self-talk
towards their partner.
*** In fact, it was so rampant that he concluded it was a greater barrier to a couple’s
happiness than was a lack of open and honest communication. ***
Negative self-talk about your spouse creates a miserable marital environment.
Once you attach bad intentions to your spouse, a floodgate of negativity and
conflict opens. Nothing he or she does is good enough.
Nursing feelings of bitterness, fear, anger, indifference or jealousy towards your
partner poisons the relationship and creates reactions that will ultimately destroy
the marriage.
One of the healthiest things you can do today for your marriage is start
assigning
good intentions to your spouse instead of assuming the worst.
Focus on the positive and assign good intentions to your spouse as a way to
strengthen your marriage and commitment.
DON’T MAKE IT WORSE THAN IT IS
It seems to me that a couple can become so frustrated with the disagreements
and unresolved conflict in
their relationship that they reach a point where they
feel their marriage is much worse than it actually is.
We need a realistic evaluation of the health of our marriage.
What is good about our marriage?
What could be good about our marriage?
What do we enjoy about our relationship with our spouse?
What could we enjoy?
Be fair and objective.
Things might be bad but you owe it to yourself to identify the good along with
the
“bad” so you're able to see how things really are to make sure you’re not
seeing things worse than they are.
In next week’s tip we’ll shift our focus away from divorce to making a case for
staying married and ways to strengthen our relationship with our spouse.
Until then, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want you to be mad
about marriage!
