It’s easy to get frustrated with our partner and WISH we could change them!
The silly thing is we KNOW that’s a crazy fantasy because we can’t change
anyone except for one person: ourselves.
But you CAN change the shape and course of your relationship by doing these
three things:
1. Start talking. And YOU go first.
One of the reasons couples don’t talk is because someone in the relationship
is afraid to go first.
Why?
Because they’re afraid of rejection.
Or…maybe they’re afraid that what they say won’t be accepted in the spirit it’s given.
Or maybe they feel too uncomfortable to become so vulnerable.
I don’t know what it is for your but this is what I do know: Someone must go
first. And if you’re reading this and desire to improve your relationship then
that someone has to be you.
(You can always enlist the help of a marriage counselor if needed.)
2. Stop being wishy-washy
You’re relationship will be healthy and happy to the degree that you’re
committed to making it happen.
The health of your relationship mirrors the "health" of your
commitment.
If you’re wishy-washy and aren’t fully committed, it won’t happen.
By the way, commitment isn’t doing to
them what they do to you.
Full commitment isn’t deciding to play fair where you simply mirror their behavior.
Full
commitment isn’t deciding to meet their needs only as long as they meet yours.
Full commitment IS you raising your standards and deciding to be loving and kind
and doing whatever it takes to meet their needs
first and to continue even if they’re
not fully meeting yours.
Why?
Because that’s the true nature of love.
Love doesn’t trade or exchange; it loves.
Love is about giving not taking.
3. Control less and compromise more.
One reason one or both partners can become so controlling is because they’re
looking for a certain level of security in the relationship.
But healthy people don’t like to be controlled.
Control damages relationships.
Love never coerces, manipulates, or dominates.
It gives, serves, and supports with an attitude of charity, warmth and kindness.
So as we end this week’s tip, I want to remind us of a quote that’s kind of corny but
true:
Become the change you want your marriage to be.
Until next time, this is Mike and Gayle Tucker and we want YOU to be
mad about marriage!
