We're going to talk about something we've never talked about before
in our weekly tip.
It's awkward, unpleasant, and, sad.
But it's an issue that many people go through. So we'd like to offer our
encouragement and help for those who might be in this situation or know
someone who is.
When asked, many people say this is their favorite time of year. But when
you're caring for a loved who is suffering from a terminal illness it can
be even more difficult emotionally this time of year because everyone else
seems focused on the happiness of the holidays.
While others are putting up decorations, opening Christmas cards and
doing their Christmas shopping, people in this situation are opening
medical bills, making repeated trips to the hospital, and managing
details that no one ever wants to face.
A husband and wife will go through many emotional stages
during
this journey, but not usually at the same time.
Gayle and I've seen where one spouse comes to terms with the matter
and starts dealing with the situation while the other has great difficulty
moving beyond the anger stage.
What can you
do?
1. The first thing we suggest is to seek advice from your physician.
Your doctor can provide vital information to help you and your spouse
understand the illness and what can be expected in the days ahead.
Preparing yourself by knowing what is likely to
happen may reduce some
of the stress that comes with the uncertainty of not knowing what lies ahead.
2) Gain strength in a support group.
Finding others who are in your situation can be a source of courage and
strength.
You don't have to suffer quietly alone in
isolation. Having others to lean
on is a great source of strength. They can help prepare you for what lies
ahead by sharing what they've been through.
You might even find new information, treatments or alternative therapies
from the people within your support group. Most of all, you will form
wonderful relationships that you will
cherish.
3. If you belong to a church or faith community, you may wish to
discuss the wishes of your spouse with your pastor, priest or rabbi.
Discussing what you believe about death with your spiritual leader,
and what your faith community believes, can bring a sense of peace
and hope, especially if you believe that God has conquered the
grave
and that death is only a brief pause and not a permanent goodbye.
As painful as it is, please remember that death is not the end.
Is it scary? Yes. Sad? Absolutely. Heart-wrenching? Yes. Saying goodbye
is never easy even if only for a short period of
time.
But death is not the end. Lean on your spiritual leader for strength,
courage and hope.
4. Enlist the support of a counselor.
Everything should be done to make the final days as peaceful as possible.
The hospital's pastoral care department can connect you to
counseling services
offered either by the hospital or other organizations in the area.
Consider speaking with the chaplain about finding a counselor who is
pleasant and trustworthy - someone you and your spouse can
talk
to as often as needed during the end of life process.
5. Financial concerns.
No one can put a price tag on human life. And although we will do whatever
it takes to heal our loved ones, medical costs can quickly climb into the tens
of thousands of dollars or more very
quickly.
Although it's rarely discussed because it's a topic associated with such deep
hurt and bitterness, when the loved one passes, there is a strong possibility
that charges for their treatment will remain
to be paid.
So it might be a good a idea to meet with the hospital’s patient financial
services department as soon as possible to discuss the matter and learn
of any available options to manage or defray costs to make things easier.
Enlisting the help and cooperation of patient
financial services can be of
great help when dealing with end of life issues.
I know this week's tip “jars” with the emotional mood of the season we’ve
just entered. But there are people we serve who are dealing with this
very issue and are facing very difficult days
ahead.
Hopefully some of the options we’ve discussed will make things less difficult
in some small way.
If you or someone you know is in this situation, please know that our thoughts
and prayers are with you.
Most of all, find strength in the promise of Jesus Christ that He has conquered
the
grave, and will reunite us once again with our loved ones in the Earth made
new (Revelation 21) where there will no longer be sorrow or death.
Until next week, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker, wishing you courage
and hope along life's
journey.
