Happily ever after. Some couples find it, some don’t. Why? Because of their rules.
One rule that creates so much marital unhappiness is this one:
Everything must go my way for me to be happy.
It’s no mystery why people with that rule are so unhappy because how often do things go your way, really...
If you’re the kind of person who must have
your way, and have things go your way, to be happy, guess what, how happy do you think you'll be?
Here’s the real problem with that rule: It makes happiness the victim of external circumstances and forces.
As long as something MUST happen externally for you and your spouse to live happily ever after, it won’t happen.
“We’ll be happy when we buy a house.”
“We’ll be happy when we pay off the mortgage.”
“We’ll be happy when we get out of debt.”
“We’ll be happy when we get that raise or promotion.”
“We’ll be happy when we
start a family.”
“We’ll be happy when the kids leave home for college.”
“We’ll be happy when…”
“We’ll be happy if…”
Couples who find happily ever after do so because they don’t delay happiness.
They take charge of being happy.
They assume full control of the emotional quality and well-being of their marriage.
When things don’t go the way they’d hoped, they make the best of it; it’s not the end of the world.
As long as we base happiness on external stuff, events, or material possessions, we’ll never be happy. Besides, you probably know people who have all those things and more but who are still unhappy; always seeking never finding.
But on the other hand, if happiness is a by-product of our outlook, healthy beliefs, values and actions, then aren’t we in control of how happy we can be at any given time?
Being grateful, expressing love to your spouse, giving versus getting, deciding to find the good in every situation, being present and savoring the joys of life, living with hope – these things and more, make happily ever after possible.
The stock market might crash but so what? It’s not the end of the world. The car may be old and the house too small, but so what? “Stuff” doesn’t define you, YOU define you. And YOU are more than enough.
This perspective allows us to enjoy happily ever after with our spouse because life is no longer a score sheet of transactions that MUST happen for us to be happy.
You CAN live happily ever after because you’re the author of your fairytale…and you decide how the
story ends.
Until next time, this is Mike and Gayle Tucker and we want YOU to be mad about marriage!
