Red flags are warning signs that something needs your attention. Every marriage has them. And below are some common ones. If you see them, take action immediately by addressing the issue(s) or getting help from a qualified
counselor:
1. Silence
If you and your spouse don’t talk anymore, you’re in trouble and need help.
Every
relationship has moments of awkward silence. So don't stress (yet).
BUT if silence is the tone of your relationship, your marriage is in trouble. It's easy to think/hope/believe it'll pass but it won't; it only gets worse.
Here's the deal: There's a reason why you and your spouse don't talk anymore. And you MUST work together to figure it out. It might be something serious OR a simple misunderstanding that only takes minutes to resolve.
All you need to do is acknowledge the issue and start a conversation with your spouse about ways to make things better.
Marital counseling in this situation is a great option to consider.
2. Harshness
Are the words in your home loving or mean?
Kind or harsh?
Is there frequent shouting or conflict?
Do you sense a spirit of ridicule or disrespectfulness?
When people feel frustrated or unheard, they might shout to release their tension or to be heard. Either way, if the climate is unkind or hostile, your marriage needs help.
A marriage counselor is a great option because he/she is a neutral third party that can help you and your spouse play nice as you work through your issues.
3. Parental Disengagement
Imagine a family driving along when the kids
start fighting in the backseat.
One parent gets involved and tries to stop the fight while the other sits silently, completely disengaged.
It's a red flag when one parent is engaged and the other isn't.
Usually this is a sign of an underlying disagreement between parenting styles.
Left unaddressed, the situation only worsens and marital stress increases dramatically.
What can you do?
Start a conversation with your spouse to discuss reasons why your approaches seem to differ. Perhaps you’ll see an opportunity to compromise. As you work together, you might even find a more effective approach to parenting your kid(s).
Here’s what you need to know: Although it's unlikely you will ever adopt exact parenting styles, it's essential you work together as a team.
4. Going In Opposite
Directions
Are you and your spouse growing together or apart?
Growing apart is a huge red flag (obviously).
What can you do?
The first step is to set aside time for a conversation with your spouse to see how they feel about the situation. Do they also sense you've been growing apart?
Then try to identify some reasons why it could be happening. Are you spending too much time at work? Too much time with the kids? Not being intentional enough about growing your relationship. What’s causing the drift?
Know this: You can turn things around. And it can happen faster than you think.
5. Suspecting An Affair
Do you wonder if your spouse is having an affair?
(Remember, an affair can be physical or emotional.)
Do you secretly check their email, texts, voice mail, credit card charges, etc., for evidence?
Obviously, being suspicious is a red flag that the relationship has trust issues either real or imagined.
A marriage can survive many things but a loss of trust isn’t one of them. So I urge you to seek help as soon as you can.
Meanwhile, give your spouse the benefit of the doubt - most likely your partner is being faithful.
But something is driving your suspicion. And
that’s what you need to figure out. Consider seeking marriage counseling asap.
6. Uncomfortable Intimacy
What is the quality of your marital intimacy?
Keep in mind that sex and intimacy are two different things.
Are you comfortable sharing personally with your spouse?
Do you feel safe opening up and being vulnerable?
Are you glad to share your deepest feelings, dreams, hopes and
thoughts?
If not, it’s a red flag.
When the majority of your conversations revolve around work, parenting responsibilities, and
other household business, it's a sign that something isn't right.
Get the help you need before your marriage feels more like a business relationship or two roommates sharing a house.
7. Bedroom Trouble
Are you and your spouse sexually intimate?
A lack of sexual intimacy is a red flag.
This is a catch-22 because when communication is lacking in your marriage, talking about sex is awkward and uncomfortable.
But a sexless marriage
is an unhealthy marriage.
So if sexual problems exist within your marriage please find a marriage counselor immediately so you and your spouse can begin enjoying this special bond again that is essential to a happy marriage and good health.
Look, anyone who has been married any length of time realizes a marriage has its ups and downs. Every marriage faces challenges and issues. So don't panic when you see red flags. But take action when you see them by getting the help you need, that's all.
Your marriage is special and the most important relationship in your life. So give yourself the gift of taking care of it (and yourself) so you can be happy.
Until next time, this is Mike and
Gayle Tucker and we want YOU to be mad about marriage.
