Not much is written about men seeking marriage counselor because, well, they don’t.
So they get a bad wrap about not being as interested in relationships as women.
That’s not entirely accurate.
Here’s the thing about husbands:
They’re not into making small talk.
They’re driven to find solutions.
They’d rather fix something than to talk about it.
They have a concrete approach to life - they say what they
mean.
When a woman says something to them, they believe she’s saying what she means, not realizing they have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out what she really, really means.
Oh, and among other things, husbands don’t like making their problems public, even in a confidential relationship
with a marriage counselor because men guard their privacy.
Here's the absolute truth: Husbands want strong marriages.
They care about their wives.
In fact, a husband's number one goal is to make his wife happy and to keep her safe (If he feels that there isn't anything he can do to make her happy, he feels lost and disempowered).
Husbands want a relationship that lasts. And most of them are willing to do whatever it takes to work things out.
In general, men, because of their solution-finding natures, and
sometimes annoying propensity to “fix” stuff, will accept personal responsibility for trying to improve the situation.
*** But here’s the deal: Husbands are not as willing as wives to enlist the help of a marriage counselor.
Meeting with a stranger to talk openly about their marriage problems can be a very uncomfortable and intimidating process for a husband.
So if it seems that your husband is dragging
his feet about seeing a marriage counselor, please don’t take it to mean that he's disinterested or lacks the desire to make things better.
Here’s what you can do for best results:
1) When seeking marriage help, a husband and wife should discuss and agree on a process that is comfortable for everyone.
In some situations, a husband might feel more
comfortable with meeting one-on-one initially with a male counselor.
Men are private – they don’t usually talk about everything with their friends like women do. Nor are they as open about worries and burdens they carry silently within.
2) Consider improving your relationship through books, seminars and other resources, many of which are online, by the way. Gayle and I conduct Mad About Marriage seminars all over the country and across the world. We'd love to meet you at one of them.
A common source of marriage trouble today is differing/conflicting parenting styles. So here’s a thought: Why not consider attending a class together on effective child-rearing techniques. Or get a book and read it together.
In many cases, taking simple steps like these improves marital satisfaction because the wife sees an engaged husband who is taking action (and taking action plays to his strengths).
Another common source of marriage trouble is money. If finances are harming your marriage, why not see a financial planner together, or take a class like Financial Peace University?
The point is, you don’t always have to see a marriage counselor.
There are other ways to make things better that might be more comfortable for a husband.
There is no shortage of marriage help when you employ a creative problem-solving approach. And with a little time, energy and effort, you will be mad about marriage again instead of just being
mad.
Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want you to be mad about marriage!
