We don’t talk about it much, and it even feels kind of bad to say it, but caring for aging parents is a HUGE marital stressor for many couples.
People are living longer. So more and more spouses are taking care of their parents AND their children in their own home.
More years with loved ones is a blessing that can quickly become a
curse.
Here are some suggestions to minimize the pain and regret that so often happens in these situations, and to make those golden years memorable and meaningful for everyone:
1) Marriage Therapy
Taking care of aging parents is tough. Ask anyone who has done it. It can be difficult for everyone involved including the parents.
Sometimes all you really
need to make it through another week is someone to talk to. A marriage counselor is a great option. Someone you can talk to in a safe, confidential environment - someone who understands and won't judge you.
Marriage therapy can be particularly helpful when one spouse feels he or she is doing most of the work.
2) Connect With Other Couples
You’re not alone. Other couples in your church or community are taking care of their
elderly loved ones, too. Connecting with them can be a wonderful source of social and emotional support.
3) Support Groups
As the health of your loved one fails, you will face important decisions. End of life issues can be very stressful and sad. Find a local support group for advice and encouragement during critical times.
4) Divine Strength
There is no better place to find
strength than in God. He invites us to share our worries, cares and concerns with Him. Let His grace strengthen you.
Opening your home to an aging loved one can be a tremendous blessing. But keep in mind that for some people, because of their health-related issues, an adult care facility might be the best option because of access to clinical care.
But If you choose to take care of your loved one(s) in your home, here are some
issues to be aware of:
- A more complicated living arrangement.
- Increased household chores and responsibilities.
- Greater financial expense.
- Integrating the loved into the family without them feeling like a third wheel or a burden.
- The loved one struggling with feelings over losing their independence.
Stress might mount and frustrations will arise. Everyone's patience will be tested. So when it happens, consider
these tips to protect your relationship with your loved ones and your marriage:
1) Schedule time for just you and your spouse to relax and enjoy each other. Perhaps there’s an adult day care service in your town that could help facilitate this need.
2) Assisted care. Maybe there’s a home health care agency in your area that can assist with the physical care of your loved
one.
3) Organizations or clubs for seniors. There are organizations that exist to help fill the golden years with joy.
After all, your loved one would probably enjoy socializing with people their own age. So create opportunities for them to find and make friends. Some organizations will take your loved one to the doctor, store or market.
4) Do what
you can to give your loved one a sense of independence. It'll make them feel better, and decrease marital stress, too.
We're entering that time of year when we focus on families. And even if you find yourself in a challenging situation, be of good courage.
You're not alone.
By God's grace, you already have the power and strength you need to make the next few weeks a very special
blessing for those who are most special to you.
Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want YOU to be mad about marriage!
