What do you think, do people fall out of love?
Falling out of love is a common reason given for infidelity. Sometimes the
spouse says something like this:
“I still love her/him but I’m not IN love with
them.”
Remember, too, that infidelity isn’t always sexual; infidelity can be
an emotional affair.
In each of these
cases, the unfaithful spouse craves feeling desired, wanted and
attractive again.
(What spouse doesn’t want to feel that way?)
Here’s a short list of things that lead people into thinking they've fallen out of love:
1. Fairytale Romance.
When someone doesn’t experience the kind of love story they see and read about in
movies and books - the fairytale kind - they become disillusioned and “fall out of love.”
Real life with THEIR partner seems dull and boring.
And so they seek a thrilling encounter with a mysterious man or woman.
But guess what? If THAT relationship lasts long enough, the day comes when
they will feel like they’ve “fallen out of love.”
It’s a vicious cycle fueled by fantasy.
2. Bitterness and Grudges.
Harboring these feelings kills love.
Intimacy and affection can’t flourish in such an acidic environment. And if those
feelings persist, growing apart is inevitable.
3. Quirks become Repulsive.
The charm of little things once found cute and endearing wears off and become
repulsive and
distancing.
For example, before marriage the boyfriend was fun and spontaneous but as a
husband his wife now sees him as immature and irresponsible.
Or, before marriage, the girlfriend was cute and strong but now she’s possessive
and controlling.
4. Low self-esteem or self-worth.
A spouse who struggles with these issues is easily wounded when their partner
seems less interested in them.
Feelings of inadequacy and insecurity drive people to look for someone who
validates them and puts them on a pedestal, making them feel valued.
5. A boring
relationship.
An affair is exciting (temporarily) because there is gift-giving, long phone
conversations, flirty texts, love notes, emails of sweet nothings, etc.
Keep in mind that these types of
extramarital affairs usually happen when
intimacy and romance have faded because of the responsibilities of daily living.
Real life isn’t always exciting or romantic.
There’s work, bills, kids, careers, deadlines.
Some spouses use affairs to escape from the pressure and grind of life.
So what can you do to NOT be one of those couples who “falls out of love?”
1) Take care of
yourself.
Give attention to your entire being - mind, body and soul.
Don’t let yourself go or slip into a state of frantic survival where
you merely exist.
Slow down and breathe.
Savor life!
Enjoy a hobby.
Live!
Because life is happening now.
2) Take care of your spouse.
****Stop reacting to
your marital environment by taking action to set the mood
and tone of your relationship. ****
Love your spouse.
Surprise them.
Hold them.
Support them.
Encourage them.
Celebrate their life and
love.
Let them know you care.
Engage them.
Be bold. Risk. Love.
It’s within YOUR power to do all of these things and more because at the end
of the day love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a decision, too.
Which means falling out of love is a choice and not just an emotional state.
So, today, right now, realize you're just one choice away from staying IN love,
Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want you to
be
mad about marriage!
