One of the biggest mistakes couples make is sharing their marital problems
with their friends.
Yes, I know you desperately feel the need to talk with someone about what’s
happening in your life. You might even feel alone and isolated. And I know
that the first
person you should be talking to is the last person you want
to talk to: Your spouse.
But if you're still determined to share your
marital problems with your best
friend, make certain they pass these three tests first:
1) Will you feel better or regret it?
If you sense you’ll regret it later, then they’re not the right person to talk to
about your situation.
2) Is your friend sympathetic or indifferent?
A good
friend will make you feel supported without taking sides.
If your friend is the kind of person who will influence you to wage war
against your spouse and take up arms to fight along side of you then
they're probably not the best person to share your situation with.
3) Are you absolutely certain they will keep confidences?
Or are they known for revealing everything others share with them?
This one is so very important.
If your friend has ever betrayed your confidences in the past, it’s highly
unlikely they will keep your details private now.
Realistically? The best you can hope for from a close friend
or family
member is a sympathetic ear.
Most likely they’re not certified to give qualified marriage advice - but even
if they are, how can they be open-minded and objective? Besides, it wouldn't
be fair to them.
Before you talk to a friend or family member about your marriage problems,
tell your partner your intentions. Tell them that you’re losing your mind and
just need someone to talk to.
If you
don't tell them first and they find out about it later they might get
really angry with you - especially if they know your friend is a blabber-mouth.
And In the end, it could make things worse.
Personally? It’s probably a better idea to see a marriage counselor first.
We’ve heard some couples say it’s too expensive to see a counselor. But
if you think going to a marriage counselor is expensive then we have news:
Divorce costs a whole lot more, and we’re not just talking about money.
So do yourself a favor. Find a counselor that both you and your spouse
can trust.
If you are a religious person, you may want to seek marriage advice
from
a marriage counselor within your religious community.
In the event that you and your spouse have different religious beliefs, you
might consider going along with your partner’s choice because you want
them to feel positive about this process.
But if you’re absolutely set on talking to a friend about your
marital issues,
please make sure they pass the three tests we've discussed.
Until next week, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want you to be
mad about marriage!
