Hi
,
Gayle and I frequently encounter couples who want a more passionate
relationship.
They want more fire and excitement!
They want a vibrant relationship in which they feel fully alive and engaged
instead of dull and bored.
So many couples wonder why there's no "heat" in their marriage.
Instead of the "sizzle" they once enjoyed,
they're lucky for a spark a few
times a year!
Everything seems so...blah. Mechanical. Predictable. Tired.
And don't get me wrong, I'm not just talking about the physical dimension
because for many couples their whole relationship feels...routine.
For a more passionate relationship, start with this question:
When it comes to you and your partner,
how much of the focus is
on you - on your wants/needs?
Sure you have wants and needs. We all do. And you shouldn't feel guilty about
knowing what they are and taking care of yourself.
In fact, you chose your partner because it's what you wanted.
In the beginning of your relationship you focused on what you wanted.
Think
about it, you said things like:
I love you.
I want to be with you.
I want to marry you.
You focused on the "I" part of the equation because you were expressing
your love and feelings for your partner.
*** But here's the problem ****
Some people never move
beyond the me-focus.
They carry a "me-orientation" into the relationship because they're already kind
of selfish...
- OR -
As the years pass and they get hurt and their needs go unmet, they intentionally
start focusing MORE on their own needs to force the relationship to be a more
fulfilling and satisfying experience for them.
So they assume a
strong me-centric role in the relationship instead of working
to resolve the underlying issues that are creating an unhappy marriage.
Having said all that, here's a question for you:
What is true love?
I'm sure we'd agree it's many things, but in a word, this sums it up pretty well:
True love is ...selflessness.
******* True love
focuses on meeting the needs of the other person. *******
Falling in love is only the beginning.
It's the exciting first step of an amazing journey.
But here's the deal: The extreme feelings of intimacy first felt will taper off. You know it.
So how can a husband and wife fuel passion's fire?
Truth is, that's a long list but here are two simple ways
we often forget or
intentionally stop doing:
1) Be considerate
2) Be caring
It's good to tell someone you love them but It's better to demonstrate it.
It's good to tell someone you care but it's better to reveal it in our actions.
Remember this:
Your behavior towards your spouse communicates how much they mean to
you.
Every day you're demonstrating who you value more: You or your partner.
True love meets the needs of the one it loves.
True love is committed to making them happy.
True love is dedicated to being a source of joy for their life.
And here's the honest truth: Love does this even when it doesn't feel like it or
even wants
to because love is a decision not just a feeling.
Love cannot be unloving.
If your love is based on feelings alone your relationship will crumble.
For love to grow and be healthy over the long run, it must be fueled by
decision not emotion.
In outstanding relationships, people decide to cultivate an appreciation for
one another daily. This creates harmony and
warmth.
In outstanding relationships, people decide to cherish one another.
In outstanding relationships, people decide to care for the other person
more than they do about themselves.
Demonstrating selflessness every day, regardless of how we feel, is true love.
And this is the pathway to creating more passion in your marriage.
So, how
selfless is your love?
Are you more interested in what you can get out of the relationship or in what you
can put into the relationship?
Loving your spouse selflessly and unselfishly creates passion.
Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want you to
mad about marriage!
