Adultery hurts in ways that only those who’ve been hurt by it can know.
There is anger, bitterness and resentment, guilt, regret and uncertainty.
And the question on the minds of so many couples who find themselves in this
situation is this: Is it even possible to rekindle our love and save our marriage?
If you or someone you know is in this situation, have hope. The marriage can be
rekindled and restored IF both people decide to do whatever it takes.
But here's the thing: You must choose to stop focusing on what can’t be changed
(the affair) and focus on what you both can do to heal the marriage.
Here are 5 steps to help rekindle a relationship after an affair:
1. Discover
A top priority is to discover why the spouse cheated emotionally or physically. Certain needs were not being met. And these underlying issues must be addressed and worked on.
**** Skipping this step keeps the marriage at high risk for future affairs. So the spouses must decide that
they and they alone will meet each other’s core needs. ***
2. God
Marriage has a spiritual component because God created marriage.
And we are spiritual creatures, too.
So take the matter to God in prayer.
Ask for the desire and grace to forgive your spouse.
Seek God’s wisdom and strength for the journey ahead as you work
together to rekindle your marriage.
3. Decide
Remind each other that love
is, and always will be, a decision.
Decide to take divorce off the table.
Despite the pain, share how you still love each
other and want to work things out.
4. Commit
Commit to acknowledging each other’s shortcomings and how they might be
contributing to the problem.
*** No one is perfect. Not even the innocent spouse. ***
Commit to meeting each other's needs even if/when you don’t feel like it.
Commit to changing your ways and stop hurting your partner whether or not
you were the one who had the affair.
5. Celebrate
If you and your spouse have decided to do whatever it takes to save your marriage,
this is cause for celebration!
Give yourselves a fresh start by taking a mini-vacation or trip together if possible.
Take time to communicate through your differences without any distractions.
Celebrate starting over. And be grateful for the chance to begin again with he person
who chose to spend the rest of their life with you.
Finally, if you are the spouse who cheated, whether emotionally or physically, listen
to me very carefully:
End the affair – stop all contact now – and be faithful to your spouse from this day forward.
When you ask for forgiveness it should be from a sincere heart with the fullest of
intentions to change and to keep your promises moving forward.
If
your spouse forgives you, which he or she probably will, express your deep love and appreciation for them. Let them know how much you dearly want to be with them.
Following these 5 simple steps will help with the process of rekindling your love and
saving your marriage because they will help your hearts draw close once more.
As you begin to treat each other with grace, love and forgiveness, healing will come.
And with time, trust and intimacy will be restored.
Until next week, this is Mike and Gayle Tucker and we
want you to be mad about marriage!
