Few things hurts quite as much as learning that your spouse is emotionally or physically involved with someone else.
Recovering from adultery and emotional infidelity is painful and difficult. And although many wounded spouses might not want to hear what I'm about to say, truth is their marriage can be healed and restored when genuine forgiveness is the pathway.
In fact, for the husband or wife who is willing to consider forgiving their
unfaithful spouse, the battle is already half won.
(Perhaps you might consider using this week’s tip to help someone you might know who is facing this unfortunate situation.)
If each spouse is willing to extend/receive forgiveness, then there is a strong chance that their marriage will
prevail because this is evidence that they're interested in saving the relationship.
Step 1: The cheating spouse asks for forgiveness.
Step 2: Forgiveness is
offered.
If the spouse who has been hurt is the kind of person who holds grudges, then he or she might need to forgive their husband/wife a few times in the months ahead (privately in their own hearts) because the pain of betrayal will come in waves.
They might even consider praying
for Jesus to forgive their spouse for them until they’ve able to do so themselves. Forgiveness can be a process.
And healing takes time.
Step 3: Practice letting go.
When
someone upsets you during the day, practice letting go.
If they hurt you, practice forgiveness.
*** You can embrace the pain and be miserable or let it go and be free.
Practice
being forgiving. You deserve the effects forgiveness brings.
Step 4: Monitor your emotions.
Forgiving a cheating spouse involves being aware of your feelings.
For example, many
people find it hard to forgive when they’re unhappy and deeply upset.
Just being aware of these emotional states can help in the process of forgiving someone who has hurt you because you are no longer simply reacting blindly to the pain. Choosing to be aware is a sign that you've decided to be in charge of your emotions instead of letting them be in charge of
you.
Step 5: Commit to the gradual process.
Realize that forgiving an unfaithful spouse is a gradual process.
Why? Because the pain comes and goes. AND because
rebuilding trust takes time.
You can’t just forgive them and then expect everything to be okay again immediately.
Trust must be restored; this takes time.
And keep in mind that
situations will arise in your marriage that trigger memories of this particular offense and how much it hurt you.
But with time, things will get better. Your heart will heal.
Step 6: Use this as a learning
experience.
Ask the unfaithful spouse what he or she thinks is lacking in your marriage physically and emotionally. You should share as well. And then work together to make your marriage stronger and more fulfilling for each other.
(Always keep in mind that infidelity can be either
physical or emotional - and emotional infidelity always hurts more than physical infidelity.)
As long as your emotional and physical needs continue to go unmet, infidelity will be a threat to your relationship.
Step 7: Promise to meet each other’s emotional and physical
needs.
These seven simple steps create a pathway of restoration that is based on forgiveness. If followed, the marriage will become healthy and thrive once more.
Your relationship will be restored. And you will have a strong, happy marriage
again.
Until next time, this is Mike and Gayle Tucker and we want
you to be mad about marriage!
