Do you and your spouse fight a lot?

Every marriage has conflicts. Even healthy ones. But when is it harmful? When angry eruptions become frequent.

Getting angry is human. And there’ll be times when you get upset despite your best efforts to maintain peace and tranquility. 

But you have a choice: You can manage conflict constructively or destructively. 

Here are some quick tips to protect your relationship: 

1. Take a long, deep breath before saying anything.

Stinging words cannot be taken back. It’s so easy in the heat of the moment to say something mean and hurtful that creates lasting scars.

Do yourself a favor: Stop. Breathe. And count to 10, 20 or 30 if you must to keep from saying something you know you’ll regret. Sure it might feel good to say it in the moment but you’ll feel horrible later on. You know it’s true.

2. Don’t be petty.

Isn’t it crazy how the pettiest things can start a fight? Ridiculous stuff that bruises a relationship from the inside out. 

Rise above pettiness. 

3.  Use the Golden Rule.

Treat your spouse how you want them to treat you. Period. This might be the only marriage tip we really need. 

Try this simple exercise to experience the full impact of this elegant Rule: Put your spouse’s name in this sentence where it says “spouse.” If your husband’s name is John, you would say, “Don’t do unto John what you wouldn’t want John to do unto you.”

4. Avoid offensive, inflammatory and accusatory language.

Strive to never belittle or diminish your partner. Ever.

5. Boost your partner’s sense of self-worth.

6. Increase your spouse’s perceived value to you.

7. It’s not about winning.

When it comes to fights, winning is losing often times.

Even when your emotions become inflamed, refrain from saying foolish things for the sake of winning the argument. It's not worth it. You know it.

8. Don’t dredge up past issues during an argument.

Focus on the issue at hand; don’t relive past conflicts.

The last thing you want is a wall of separation between you and your spouse that was created because of an immature, rash way of handling a disagreement.

Treat each other the way you want to be treated…touched…spoken to…and listened to.

Care for each other with love and respect.

This deepens your bond of intimacy. 

You will grow closer to one another. And you will enjoy a caring relationship that is filled with happiness and minimal amounts of marital conflict because you’ve learned how to manage fights in ways that build up instead of tear down.

Until next week, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want you to be mad about marriage.