Abusive Power Struggles

Published: Sat, 09/27/14


Hi ,

Part I: Here's the nasty truth: Power struggles are
here to stay.

ANYONE who has been married longer than five minutes
knows that power struggles are very much alive between
husbands and wives today!

And since the battle of the sexes isn't a myth, you must
know how to manage them to avoid a full-out war with
your spouse, or to prevent the situation from deteriorating
into a state of violence and/or abusiveness - which we'll
cover in Part II of this weekly tip.

WHAT IS A POWER STRUGGLE?
A power struggle is where one spouse asserts control
to run the show.

Battle-weary spouses typically do one of two things when
they've had all they can take:

1) They give-in to keep the peace.

2) Or they give-up and call it quits.

TWO KINDS OF POWER STRUGGLES
Here are two common power struggles found in marriages:

1) One spouse insists on running the show

2) One spouse shuts the other spouse out of his/her life
completely

RESOLVING YOUR POWER STRUGGLE
**** The only way to really resolve a power struggle is by
acknowledging that a marriage consists of two distinct
individuals whose:
  • thoughts
  • opinions
  • beliefs
  • needs
  • feelings
  • and values 
that are EQUALLY important, valuable,legitimate and essential.

It is absolutely crucial that each spouse make a commitment
to NOT silence, manipulate, dominate, bully, dismiss, or take advantage of the other in any way.
 
To resolve a power struggle, a husband and wife must
become loving, humble, and respectful.

PART II: ABUSIVE POWER STRUGGLES
There are times when power struggles deteriorate into
abusiveness.

*** The power struggle doesn't have to result in physical
or sexual violence to be categorized as abusive.

Other common types of abuse include:
  • verbal (yelling, screaming, hollering)
  • emotional
  • mental
  • financial
  • and spiritual abuse 

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE BEING ABUSED?
If your spouse is constantly exerting control over you,
controlling your life, behavior, choices and actions,
which can be anything from telling you what you can or
cannot wear to which people you may or may not have
as friends, and where you are allowed and not allowed to
go, it's abuse.

If your spouse monitors your actions, tracks where you go,
and invades your privacy, it's abuse.

If they dismiss or diminish your thoughts, feelings, beliefs,
and needs making them seem unimportant or irrelevant,
it's abuse.

If they make fun of you, put you down, mock, ridicule
or threaten you, it's abuse.

If you're made to feel insignificant, helpless, ugly,
unworthy, stupid, unlovable or weak, it's abuse.

You should never tolerate this kind of treatment from
anyone, especially not from your spouse.

Find professional help immediately because you will
need help freeing yourself from this life-diminishing,
and possibly life-threatening, environment.

Whatever you do, don't make the mistake of thinking that
this will take care of itself on its own, or that your spouse
will magically change into the prince or princess you've
been longing for. 

If you're the victim of a power struggle that has created
an abusive situation, do yourself a favor and find help
today.

Until next week, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want
you to be mad about marriage.