I think everyone agrees that no husband or wife should
ever physically abuse their spouse, ever.
Not ever.
But are there other kinds of abuse that couples might be
participating in unaware?
I think so.
Here are some lesser known forms of domestic violence:
- Emotional abuse
- Spiritual abuse
- Mental abuse
- Financial abuse
To define and restrict domestic violence to physical
abusiveness seems too narrow of an approach.
It’s easy to identify physical violence because of the
bruises it leaves. But it’s more difficult
to detect
emotional, mental, spiritual and financial abusiveness.
Each form of domestic violence leaves scars, and
damages well-being and psychological
health.
**** WARNING: Now, if you’re in a life-threatening
situation because of physical abuse, seek help
immediately. Don’t delay. Do it now. ****
These are even lesser known forms of abuse and
what they look like:
VERBAL ABUSE
- Insults
- Words of ridicule
- Put-downs
- Yelling
- Screaming
- Hollering/shouting to dominate or control
EMOTIONAL
ABUSE
- Rejection
- Withdrawing
- Isolation
- Disrespectfulness
- Discourteousness
- Being unloving
*** Anything a partner does to intentionally diminish
their spouse and lower their sense of self-worth and
self-esteem, is emotional
abuse.
But there’s another form of abuse rarely mentioned:
ECONOMIC ABUSE
When a spouse refuses to pay for necessities, whether it’s
food, clothing, doctor’s visits, etc., then this is economic
abuse.
(Yes, this is real.)
If a spouse insists on controlling ALL the money, and
denies access to financial accounts, it's economic
abuse.
(Note: There might be exceptions in cases where a spouse
struggles with gambling
or other kinds of spending
addictions. But even then, it’s a good “rule” for both
spouses to be in a agreement if possible.)
Other forms of economic abuse could be:
- A spouse
who steals money from the bank accounts
- Stealing money from their partner’s wallet or purse
- Preventing access to credit cards
- Or seizing monetary gifts as their own.
LET’S GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS
How can you know for sure if your husband or wife is
being abusive OR could become abusive?
Consider these red flags:
1)
Pre-marriage: If your partner is pushing you too fast
into getting married, be careful by NOT rushing into
things because if he or she is pushing you around before
you get married, guess what, they’ll push you around
AFTER you get married.
2) A spouse who demands that you spend most of your time
with them, and becomes angry or sulks when you don’t
give
them your complete focus or the amount of attention they
seek.
3) A spouse who is overly competitive or critical, and who
always has to come out on top, belittling or dominating you
at
everything.
4) A spouse who is extremely jealous when you spend time
with your family and friends.
5) A spouse with big mood swings between emotional highs
and lows.
THE DANGEROUS AND DAMAGING EFFECTS OF ABUSE
No one should have to put up with any form of abusiveness.
Harmful effects
include:
- Damaged psychological health
- Depression,
- Learned helplessness
- Feelings of fear, terror, stress, anxiety, and
isolation
SAVING AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE
Saving an abusive marriage is not easy but it can be done;
I’ve seen couples do it.
It requires HUGE amounts of patience, tolerance,
self-control,
grace, love and forgiveness.
These steps will help you get started:
Step 1: Identify The Underlying Reason For The Abuse.
You need to put your detective hat
on to figure this one out.
It’s likely you will need the support of a professional such as
a psychologist, pastor or therapist - someone with objectivity
who can help identify the cause.
Please know
that in some cases, your spouse might require
treatment from a therapist or mental health professional.
Step 2: Seek professional help (this really should be step #1)
Step 3: Communication
Productive communication can improve an abusive situation –
especially with the guidance of a trained professional. If we
have experts work on our car, then why wouldn't we have
them work on the most important area of our lives, our marriage.
Dealing with an abusive marriage requires great care, wisdom
and, in my opinion, divine guidance.
But if you follow the steps that I’ve given to you, you can
at least start the
process of restoring your marriage so that
it becomes a safer, happier place.
Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and
we want you to be mad about marriage!
