Dear , Anger and resentment can tear apart a marriage.
So does frustration.
But forgiveness can heal and restore a wounded relationship.Through forgiveness, a couple can be atpeace and be happy again.Sometimes, people are reluctant to forgive because it makes them feel weak, vulnerableor foolish, especially when cheating is involved.But there are several misconceptions about
forgiveness
that makes matters worse.
Misconception #1: Forgiving is forgetting.
This really isn't true at all. Just because you forgive your spouse doesn't mean you should forget about it.When you can remember the hurt without feeling the pain, you can know that you've truly forgiven your spouse.Misconception #2: Forgiveness equals approval.
Contrary to this opinion, you can forgive a spouse (orjust
about anyone for that matter) without approving of their actions.Even though you offer forgiveness, acknowledgement shouldbe made that the person's behavior/actions were hurtful, unjust,
unfair and unacceptable. You can let them know that they violated your trust, but that you are choosing to forgive them anyway.Misconception #3: Forgiving someone requires you tell them that
you forgave them.
You aren't required to tell someone that you forgave them.Instead, simply decide to forgive them.And sometimes the person you need to forgive is no longerwith us because he or she has passed on. So please don't feel you have to tell someone you've forgiventhem. Just forgive and let go and let God take care of the rest. Forgiveness is a process more than it is an act; and it takes
time.Misconception #4: Forgiveness = immediate trust.
Choosing to forgive someone, and then choosing to trust them again, are two separate issues.Even after you forgive your spouse, rebuilding trust takes time. In fact, only a person of questionable mental health would trust his or her partner immediately after they've violatedtheir trust.Forgiveness is
given freely.Bit trust is earned.
Misconception #5: Forgiveness automatically creates good feelings towards your spouse.
Just because you've chosen to forgive your spouse does not mean you'll have warm fuzzes for them immediately.Sometimes, moving from feelings of anger and frustration tofeelings of "neutrality" is good enough, at least initially.
Misconception # 6: Forgiveness is instant.
This isn't
entirely accurate. Complete forgiveness may take time. If you really want to enjoy a happy and fulfilling
marriage, you must be willing to give and receive
forgivenessUntil next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tuckerand we want you to be mad about marriage!
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