Dear ,
Anger and resentment can tear apart a marriage.
So does frustration.
But forgiveness can heal and restore a
wounded relationship.
Through forgiveness, a couple can be at
peace and be happy again.
Sometimes, people are reluctant to forgive
because it makes them feel weak, vulnerable
or foolish, especially when cheating is involved.
But there are several misconceptions about forgiveness
that makes matters worse.
Misconception #1:
Forgiving is forgetting.
This really isn't true at all.
Just because you forgive your spouse doesn't mean
you should forget about it.
When you can remember the hurt without feeling the pain,
you can know
that you've truly forgiven your spouse.
Misconception #2: Forgiveness equals approval.
Contrary to this opinion, you can forgive a spouse (or
just about anyone for that matter) without approving of
their actions.
Even though you offer forgiveness, acknowledgement should
be made that the person's behavior/actions were hurtful,
unjust, unfair and unacceptable.
You can let them know that they violated your trust, but that
you are
choosing to forgive them anyway.
Misconception #3: Forgiving someone requires you tell them that
you forgave them.
You aren't required to tell someone that you forgave them.
Instead, simply decide to forgive them.
And sometimes the person you need to forgive is no longer
with us because he or she has passed on.
So please don't feel you have to tell someone you've forgiven
them. Just forgive and let go and let God take care of the rest.
Forgiveness is a process more than it is an act; and it
takes time.
Misconception #4: Forgiveness = immediate trust.
Choosing to forgive someone, and then choosing to trust them
again, are two separate issues.
Even after you forgive your spouse, rebuilding trust takes time.
In fact, only a person of questionable mental health would
trust his or her partner immediately after they've violated
their trust.
Forgiveness is given freely.
Bit trust is earned.
Misconception #5: Forgiveness automatically creates good feelings towards your spouse.
Just because you've chosen to forgive your spouse does not mean
you'll have warm fuzzes for them immediately.
Sometimes, moving from feelings of anger and frustration to
feelings of "neutrality" is good enough, at least initially.
Misconception # 6: Forgiveness is instant.
This
isn't entirely accurate.
Complete forgiveness may take time.
If you really want to enjoy a happy and fulfilling
marriage, you must be willing to give and receive
forgiveness
Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker
and we want you to be mad about marriage!
