Dear ,
Okay. We're going to talk about something this week
that we've not ever talked about before. But we realize
some readers
are in this situation, which is:
Saving a marriage that has already entered the divorce
process - and how to stop that process.
For starters, here are two questions you need to answer:
1) How far along are you in the divorce
process?
2) How does your partner feel about stopping the
divorce and working on saving the marriage?
Now, here's what you need to know if divorce papers
HAVE NOT been filed:
1) If you haven't filed divorce papers, then obviously
all you and your spouse need to do is agree to not file
right now.
Please be encouraged: Usually it isn't difficult to persuade
a spouse to put
the divorce process on hold for a while.
2) Start seeing a marriage counselor who will support you
100% and really work with you to save your marriage and
heal your relationship fully.
Now, if divorce papers have been filed:
1) Understand it will be a difficult to halt the process BUT
it can and HAS been done.
But here's why it's difficult: In the United States, it's possible
to get a "no fault" divorce. These "no fault" divorces make it
very hard for spouses to stop the legal process once begun.
Just so you know, a divorce may be either contested or
uncontested.
An uncontested divorce happens when the two parties reach
an agreement regarding all matters relating to the divorce.
This includes the division of
property and custody of the kids.
Lawyers are usually involved in helping a couple reach an
agreement before the matter goes to court.
*** Sometimes if the court is busy, you can stop or delay the
divorce proceedings for a
while. ***
However, most of the time, an uncontested divorce goes through
very fast once it's brought before the court.
In the old days of "fault divorces," it was easier to stop divorce.
All you had to do was prove you
were not guilty of the fault you
were being accused of. The most common faults were adultery,
abandonment and cruelty.
Fault divorces were especially difficult for the victim since
the intimate details of the marriage were exposed
in court.
The defense was rarely successful in "fault" divorces.
In "no fault" divorces, if the parties fail to agree on all issues
before filing divorce papers, then the divorce can take longer
than expected.
*** The court will have to decide on all pending issues including
division of property and custody of the children. This may allow
a period of time in which you may try and stop divorce.
*** Please
understand that I am not an attorney and that this post
on "stopping divorce" should in no way be considered to be legal
advice. So please do yourself a favor and obtain the services of
a qualified and competent attorney in your effort to stop divorce. ***
Keep in mind that even if you succeed in stopping your divorce
right now, your spouse may not want to continue living with you
while you try to work things out.
He or she might even insist on separation so as to discourage
you from trying to save the
marriage.
But don't lose heart because your marriage is worth saving.
If your spouse is open to seeing a marriage counselor, then
stopping the divorce and saving your marriage might not be
as difficult as you thought.
This is your life and marriage. And your decision affects
the rest of your life, and the lives of your children if you
have kids.
So support your own decision and efforts to save your
marriage - even if it means
extra work on the legal side of
things, or taking more time to thinks over with your spouse
one final time before moving forward with a permanent
decision that will alter your destinies forever.
Until next week, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we
want you be mad about marriage!
