Dear ,Last week we talked about enjoying more and bettersex in our marriages.
We talked about how physical intimacy is essential for a healthy marriage.And we shared 4 obstacles that get in the way ofenjoying a healthy and satisfying sex life. Here are the other four we promised to share: 5. Failure to PlanA common complaint amongst couples is that they're nothaving sex often enough.
Face it, finding the time and energy to enjoy this aspectof marriage isn't always easy.Without sounding too "un-romantic", maybe your sex life needs a plan - a schedule (I know I know, it sounds boring but hear me out).People think that planned/scheduled sex is a stale thing
to do. After all, where's the fun in that, right? (Guesswhat? Not having sex is pretty stale, too :-).All I'm saying is that if you're having trouble
findingtime to celebrate this part of your marriage, take actionand do something about it!
Schedule it on your calendars and protect your appointment
with each other. You're worth it, aren't you?
Absolutely!6. Using Sex as a Reward or Punishment
In marriage, husbands and wives are sometimes tempted to use sex as a manipulative behavior modification tool. Many married people make the mistake of using sex as a reward for positive behavior, and withholding sex as negative reinforcement when they're angry or displeased
with their spouse.When your sex life becomes a point system, you
sabotage your marriage. For intimacy in marriage to be meaningful, it must be unconditional. So find other ways (healthy) to overcome your marriage problems
without using sex as a "weapon" or a "reward."
7. Unresolved Sexual Abuse Issues
Before you can fully enjoy sex, you must resolve any sexual abuse issues from the past.Most victims of sexual abuse have an aversion to physicalintimacy in marriage because their view of healthy sexuality has been distorted by trauma. If you're a victim of sexual abuse, please realize it wasn't
your fault; and enlist the support of a
professional to help you work through any issues.And please, please remember: Your past doesn't equal
your future.8. Pornography
Pornography has been known to destroy
marriage. It creates an insatiable thirst for harmful and destructive erotic behavior within a person. Unfortunately, some have the impression that pornography will improve their sex life.
What these people fail to realize is that pornography nurtures the physical aspect of intimacy while ignoring the emotional and spiritual aspects, thus creating empty relationships.
These days, pornography addiction isn't something that just involves men.
Up to 40% of women admit being addictedto pornography.
One of the reasons is because of the dawn of
the Internet,
and the easy and anonymous access it provides.
Another reason is because of our culture's changing
value towards pornography that has, in manyways, made it an acceptable, mainstream activity.If you're suffering from pornography addiction, seek help from a qualified Christian counselor.In closing, sex is a gift from God that should be embraced, celebrated and nurtured.It shouldn't be something that's merely toleratedin a marriage, abused, or misused. The quality of the sexual intimacy within your marriageis for you and your spouse to determine. I'd encourage you to do whatever it takes to enjoythis very special gift from God because not only isit fun and pleasurable, it also deepens your marital bond and strengthens your relationship. Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tuckerand we want you to be mad about marriage!
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