Dear ,
Last week we talked about enjoying more and better
sex in our marriages.
We talked about how physical intimacy is essential for
a healthy marriage.
And we shared 4 obstacles that get in the way of
enjoying a healthy and satisfying sex life.
Here are the other four we promised to
share:
5. Failure to Plan
A common complaint amongst couples is that they're not
having sex often enough.
Face it, finding the time and energy to enjoy this aspect
of marriage isn't always easy.
Without sounding too "un-romantic", maybe your sex
life needs a plan - a schedule (I know I know, it sounds
boring but hear me out).
People think that planned/scheduled sex is a
stale thing
to do. After all, where's the fun in that, right? (Guess
what? Not having sex is pretty stale, too :-).
All I'm saying is that if you're having trouble finding
time to celebrate this part of your marriage, take action
and do something about it!
Schedule it on your calendars and protect your appointment
with each other. You're worth it, aren't you? Absolutely!
6. Using Sex as a Reward or Punishment
In marriage, husbands and wives are sometimes tempted to
use sex as a manipulative behavior modification tool.
Many married people make the mistake of using sex as
a reward for positive behavior, and withholding sex as
negative reinforcement when they're angry or displeased
with their spouse.
When your sex life becomes a point system, you
sabotage your marriage.
For intimacy in marriage to be meaningful, it must be
unconditional.
So find other ways (healthy) to overcome your marriage
problems without using sex as a "weapon" or a "reward."
7. Unresolved Sexual Abuse Issues
Before you can fully enjoy sex, you must resolve any sexual
abuse issues from
the past.
Most victims of sexual abuse have an aversion to physical
intimacy in marriage because their view of healthy sexuality
has been distorted by trauma.
If you're a victim of sexual abuse, please realize it
wasn't
your fault; and enlist the support of a professional
to help you work through any issues.
And please, please remember: Your past doesn't equal
your future.
8. Pornography
Pornography has been known to destroy marriage. It creates
an insatiable thirst for harmful and destructive erotic
behavior within a person.
Unfortunately, some have the impression that pornography
will improve their sex life.
What these people fail to realize is that pornography
nurtures the physical aspect of intimacy while ignoring
the emotional and spiritual aspects, thus creating
empty relationships.
These days, pornography addiction isn't something that
just involves men.
Up to 40% of women admit being addicted
to pornography.
One of the reasons is because of the dawn of the Internet,
and the easy and
anonymous access it provides.
Another reason is because of our culture's changing
value towards pornography that has, in many
ways, made it an acceptable, mainstream activity.
If you're suffering from pornography addiction, seek
help from a qualified Christian counselor.
In closing, sex is a gift from God that should be
embraced, celebrated and nurtured.
It shouldn't be something that's merely tolerated
in a marriage, abused, or misused.
The quality of the sexual intimacy within your marriage
is for you and your spouse to determine.
I'd encourage you to do whatever it takes to enjoy
this very special gift from
God because not only is
it fun and pleasurable, it also deepens your marital
bond and strengthens your relationship.
Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker
and we want you to be mad about
marriage!
