Dear ,
Ever had a bad day when you were stressed
out of your mind and were making some pretty
questionable decisions ? (Well, how did that
work out for your
marriage?)
Here are six tools to keep your marriage purring
like a pussy cat when the lion inside loses its cool:
Tool #1 - Apologize
!
A simple heart-felt apology works wonders - it's
really nothing short of miraculous.
A sincere apology sounds
like this; "I'm sorry for
what I did; it was wrong. And I'm really sorry for
hurting you. Will you please forgive me?"
Tool #2 - Confide in your partner
Unfortunately, many married people today are unwilling
to be vulnerable with their spouses.
They guard their feelings. This is always counter-
productive to you getting what you really want.
To improve your marriage, be honest with your partner;
share your fears and insecurities.
Doing this improves understanding, closeness, and intimacy.
Confiding in your partner sounds like this: "I was really
worried about our son, that's why I got so angry. I didn't
mean to
hurt you. Please forgive me."
Tool #3 - Listen to your partner
Listening keeps things running smoothly.
So listen to your spouse and acknowledge their point
of view; this demonstrates love and respect.
Listening to your spouse sounds like this: "I see what you
mean - I guess I never looked at it that way."
Tool #4 - Take responsibility
When marriage problems arise, BOTH spouses are usually to
blame; so getting defensive doesn't help.
Ideally you might say something like this: "I shouldn't have
done that. I'm sorry. I understand why you reacted the
way you did."
Tool #5 - Find common ground
Nothing destroys happiness faster than focusing on
your differences.
Focus on what you have in common.
For instance, if your
parenting styles differ, focus
on the fact that you both want healthy kids.
You could say: "I believe we share the same goal(s)
even though we don't always agree on the 'how'."
Tool #6 -
Improve
Stop repeating the same old mistakes - interrupt
unhealthy patterns by replacing them with healthy
behaviors. Improve.
If you say you'll try harder, make an effort.
Show your spouse that you're trying to change.
If you say: "I'll call if
I'm running late", make sure
you call. Don't just make promises to quiet your
spouse.
Although these six tools won't cure every marital
problem you face, they absolutely will improve your
marriage.
Commit right now to start practicing at least one of
these tools in the days ahead. Better yet, start today!
Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle and we want
you to be mad about marriage!
