Dear ,
Pop quiz (okay...more like a trick question) - Do you think a
marriage can succeed on love alone?
Bombshell: A marriage cannot survive on love alone
(at least not on what seems to be today's definition
of love - which is usually some kind of fairy tale,
sweep me off my feet and live happily ever after fantasy).
That lovey-dovey feeling that glosses over all wrongs &
irritations during the dating phase and continues into
the honeymoon stage of marriage, fades eventually.
And once it fades, you have two imperfect people
who are very well aware of their mate's imperfections,
and the long "until death do us
part" journey ahead.
Unfortunately, when feelings of "love" fade, the relationship's
character changes, as does the marriage.
This change may occur in several ways.
For example, once the initial "love" phase is over,
some spouses begin to regret the marriage and
start searching for the escape hatch.
Alternatively, the couple may continue to live together
out of a sense of obligation
without any physical or
emotional intimacy. When this happens, it's a matter
of time before one spouse decides to have an emotional
or physical affair.
Ideally, both spouses are expected (and vowed) to care
for one another throughout their marriage despite the
passing of the honeymoon phase. (The keyword in that
sentence was "care.")
A few decades back, divorce and infidelity rates were
much lower because couples were committed to the
valued of "caring."
Though they called it love, it was essentially care - a
kind of love that was both a decision and a feeling deeply
anchored in commitment.
If you can learn how to care about your spouse - to get
outside of yourself and demonstrate to them the kind
of love you wish to experience, then your relationship
could last forever.
But unfortunately, all too often it seems so many spouses
today aren't
committed to the value of caring.
In fact, many couples think getting married was a mistake,
or believe they are unhappy or unfulfilled, or that they
need their freedom.
These feelings cause people to start looking for
somebody
better than their spouse, which often leads to a break up.
This is a "me" centered approach to marriage and relationships.
For a happy marriage, you need to learn how to respect and
care about your spouse. Loving them
means putting their
needs first.
Loving them means loving them. Period. Because
that's what true love does.
Setting aside selfish desires makes for a better marriage
because it takes more than "love"(or at least what seems to
be today's definition of "love") for a marriage to be happy
and stand the test of time.
Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want
you to be mad about marriage!
