Types of Affairs

Published: Fri, 05/30/14


Dear ,

So what do you think - is emotional cheating infidelity?
Or is cheating only cheating when it's physical?

In counseling couples, I've listened as a husband or wife
claimed that their online friendship was not actually an
affair, or that their close friendship, with obvious emotional
ties, was not cheating.

But in just about every case, the offended spouse was
unconvinced by their spouse's assertion that since there
had been no physical indiscretions, they hadn't cheated.

So, what constitutes infidelity?

Infidelity is defined as a strong emotional and/or physical
attachment outside of marriage.

Under this definition, an affair can be purely sexual,
purely emotional, or both emotional and sexual.

It's usually more difficult for the parties involved in an
emotional affair to admit that their attachment actually
constitutes cheating. "After all," they protest, "we haven't
slept with each other!"

But this singular focus on the sexual act fails to take into
account the alienation of affections that occurs through a
relationship with such strong emotional attachments.

If the affections held for the third party do not actually
crowd the mate out of his or her rightful place in their
spouse's heart, they certainly find themselves sharing
that space with an intruder; this is infidelity.

Simply stated, emotional cheating is still cheating and any
cheating can destroy a marriage.

By the way, did you know that of these three types of affairs,
the easiest for a couple to recover from is the purely sexual affair?

The most difficult type of infidelity to overcome is the affair
that is both sexual AND emotional.

But it is interesting to note that an affair that is purely
emotional is more difficult for a couple to recover from than
an affair that is purely sexual.

Emotional infidelity possesses amazing power to destroy
a marriage.

However, there is still some very good news in all of this.

An affair, whether emotion, sexual, or both emotional and sexual,
does not have to mean the end of a marriage.

Counselors regularly help marriages survive all three types of
affairs, and when the couple commits to doing the work required,
they can heal the damage caused by infidelity, and, in most
cases, enjoy a marriage that was stronger than it was before.

Until next week, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want
you to be mad about marriage!