This might be uncomfortable but we need to bring it
up because it's so damaging to relationships.

Spiritual abuse.

What is it?

Would you recognize it if you saw it?

Would you know it if you were doing it?

How can you know if you're in a spiritually abusive relationship?

First of all, spiritual abuse is a form of emotional abuse
that can be perpetrated by men or women.

All abuse (including emotional abuse), is based on
power and control as opposed to love and respect.

*** That's so important let's read it again:

All abuse (including emotional abuse), is based on
power and control not love and respect.

Spiritual abuse occurs when a leader, or a spouse,
attempts to control, manipulate, or dominate another person.

Fear is used by the spiritually abusive because it's one
of the most effective ways to control people's minds. If
you control their mind you control their behavior.

Additionally, guilt and shame are effective weapons the
abusive party uses to victimize and establish control.  

Spiritual abuse occurs in marriage when the husband or wife
uses religion to "rule over" their spouse.

Spiritual abuse makes its victims dependent upon the will
of the perpetrator.

The abusive person may succeed in making the victim feel
incapable of doing anything on his or her own without
their help, permission or approval.

Victims lose confidence in themselves.

They also lose confidence and assurance in their
relationship with God apart from the perpetrator.

They become emotionally enslaved to their abusive partner.

Spiritually abusive spouses are driven by the need to control.

They are jealous and try to isolate their partner from others.

They are disrespectful.

They shun privacy and personal boundaries, which is
also a form of emotional abuse.

So, how do you know if you're in a spiritually abusive marriage?
Ask yourself these questions:

1. Does your spouse exhibit control-oriented leadership - do they
"lord" over you?

2. Does your spouse demand submission and unquestioning loyalty?

3. Does your spouse demand obedience?

4. Are questions unwelcome or perceived as challenges to
their "authority?"

5. Are guilt, fear, and intimidation used to control and
manipulate you?

6. Does your spouse claim that questioning him/her is akin
to questioning God?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it's likely
you're suffering emotional abuse and are in a spiritually abusive
relationship.

What can you do if you're being spiritually abused?

1. Remember & accept that you are a child of God and
that He wants you to be free.

2. Realize that God, despite His power, doesn't "lord" over you -
and He doesn't expect you to allow yourself to be "lorded over" by
any human being. He hates any and all means of coercion.  

3. Believe that God has freed you from your abuser - and gives
you the right and power to stop listening to them!

4. Accept the truth that you are being led by the Holy Spirit, and
that through Bible study and prayer, you have the privilege to
decide what is good, bad, wrong or right for yourself.

Please listen carefully to what I'm about to say next:

You do not require the guidance or approval of a third party
to encounter God or know His will.

And, finally, remember this:

Healthy spirituality elevates people, freeing them from
guilt, fear and shame.

Healthy religion is based on love and respect and does not
seek to control, but instead invites people to choose to
connect with God willingly and become one with Him.

Healthy spirituality and religion do not seek to create
fear or shame in believers.

Guilt and shame are done away with by a caring God
who forgives and restores. 

There is absolutely no emotional or spiritual abusiveness
within an authentic relationship with Him.

Nor should there be any in your relationship with your
partner or community of faith.

I hope this week's tip was helpful. Until next time
this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want you to be
mad about marriage!