Dear
It seems we often hear about spending quality &
quantity time with our spouse, but
what about
with ourselves?
Although many couples would benefit from spending
more time together, can you spend too much time
with your significant other?
Is it possible that a marriage could be healthier
if the spouses gave each other a little more
"elbow room?"
I know it sounds crazy and wrong. But I think
husbands and wives need their space.
You need quality time alone to connect with yourself
regularly and pursue goals that are important to you.
Your spouse needs the same.
We need time to decompress, think, dream, relax - to
simply exist and enjoy our life.
If you're the kind of person who is ALWAYS giving
and never taking time to care for yourself, then it's
likely the day will come when you feel resentful,
deprived, and bitter.
Ideas to Get You Started
What are some things you could do? Here are some
ideas to jump start your
imagination:
Go fishing
Hiking
Schedule regular time at the gym
Take time to read your favorite book
Learn a new language
Learn to sing
Enroll in a martial arts class
Go golfing
Learn how to scuba dive
Learn to play the guitar or piano
Be a big brother or big sister
Take up astronomy
Get the camera you've always wanted and start taking pictures again
Go to a ballgame and watch your favorite team play
Get your pilot's license
Get up an hour earlier to mediate and reflect on
your life
How To Make This Work
Step 1: Affirm your spouse by sharing how much you enjoy
spending time with them. It's important they understand that
you're NOT trying to ditch them
or are looking for the escape
hatch to your marriage!
Step 2: Share this post with them about the importance of having
quality time for healthy self-connection.
Step 3: Discuss
if there is anything they've wanted to do personally
but have been putting off. Then encourage them to do it.
Step 4: Share some things you've been wanting to do.
Step 5: Encourage and support each other in the pursuit of your
passions, hobbies and goals.
Step 6: Schedule it on the calendar. It only becomes real when
you schedule it. For example, maybe every other Tuesday night is
your personal night out - not to see other people
of course(!) but
to enjoy some of the things you've been wanting to do or learn.
Step 7: Support the process by affirming your spouse and taking an
interest in what they're learning or doing.
You Need Time Alone
You and your spouse need time alone individually to grow and develop,
and to do things that are fun for you but not necessarily enjoyable for
the other one.
I know it might sound strange - even contradictory - but you and
your spouse really do need time alone for self-connection to feel
alive and fulfilled - to live life to the fullest personally, and to also
enjoy life at an even deeper level as husband and wife during
your quality and quantity time together.
Start practicing this relationship tip for a happy marriage today
and watch your love for each other grow.
Until next time, this is Mike & Gayle Tucker and we want
you to be mad about marriage!
