Your Spouse Isn't Your Project

Published: Sat, 02/22/14

Dear ,

How much work does it take to have a healthy
marriage?

A lot!

(Probably more than anyone realizes when
facing each other dreamily saying "I do.")

"I do" is a promise that you will do whatever
it takes to create a healthy relationship that
stands the test of time.

But "I do" takes a LOT of work because fairy
tale endings don't just magically happen.

Unless we're vigilant, "I do" turns into "I won't"
which turns into "farewell."

So what can we do if our relationship is
struggling along?

Is there anything we can do to make things better?
Yes! Here are some ideas:

1) Remember: True love doesn't control. Your
spouse is not your personal project. The first
person (and only person) you can control is
you. Work on changing yourself first because
you're the only one you have the power to change.

2) Decide that your marriage is good enough to
save and that divorce is not an option. Having
an escape hatch compromises the restoration
process.  

3) Seek God and invite Him to be the center of
your marriage. Even if your spouse chooses not
to pray, you can.

(If both of you can welcome God into your relationship,
things should begin improving immediately because of
His healing grace.)

Grace increases the capacity within your heart to
accept and understand your spouse.

4) Make respecting each other your top priority.

Attacking one another with mean words with the
intention of getting even only makes things worse.

Choose your words and actions very carefully.

Example, instead of saying "You don't make time
for me and the kids anymore," try this instead:
"Remember when we went to such and such place and
spent time together doing thus and such? That was
fun! Let's do it again!"

5) Listen to each other with the intention to
understand - and remember that understanding
someone isn't admitting that you agree with them.

Listening and understanding. This is what friends
do for each other.

When was the last time you were a true friend to
your spouse?

Show kindness.

Be their confidant.

Offer encouragement and support.

Be a friend.

6) Make it a priority to make time to talk to
each other every day. This deepens intimacy.
And it'll keep you from drifting apart - or
pull you closer if you've been drifting.

7) Have fun together again! You need time alone
as husband and wife. Take a trip, go for a drive,
go for a walk - just do something together.

There you have it. Seven tips - one for each day
of the week starting tomorrow.

Start "doing" these tips and watch your love
and intimacy deepen and grow to the point
where you will once again feel (and be)
mad about marriage!

Until next week, this is Mike & Gayle hoping you
will forever be mad about marriage!