Mike Tucker: Cheating Spouse Pt 2
Published: Fri, 09/14/12
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Hello ,
We're continuing our series on infidelity
and healing a marriage after adultery.
Last week I shared Dr Willard Harley's
claim that 50% of marriages will be
affected by an extra-marital affair.
Perhaps someone close to you has
suffered through this traumatic experience.
Perhaps that person is...you.
If so, be of courage.
Gayle and I have counseled many
couples whose relationship was
scarred by infidelity.
Sometimes the adultery was physical.
Sometimes the adultery was emotional.
And sometimes it was both.
Here's what we've learned:
Forgiveness for an affair is possible.
It's not easy. But it's possible.
Forgiveness is the pathway to healing
the relationship and saving the marriage.
Many spouses use the situation of a
cheating spouse as an escape hatch
to get out of a marriage they've been
unhappy in and have wanted to end.
So for them, they've found a"legitimate"
reason to make a clean break.
So when it comes to the issue of
forgiving a cheating spouse, the
real question becomes, Do you
want the relationship to continue?
Even for the wife or husband who,
in their heart of hearts, secretly
want to move on - and would be
relieved to use infidelity as a reason
for doing so, Gayle and I would
strongly urge them to reconsider.
If one spouse is cheating, and the
other is remaining faithful but wouldn't
mind if an "out" presented itself, what
does this say about the health of the
relationship?
That's right. It's not healthy. Underlying
issues are deteriorating the marriage.
The pathway to healing the relationship
and saving the marriage is forgiveness.
Engaging this process will heal the
underlying issues that are triggering
the problems.
Forgiveness isn't just letting go and
ignoring the problem.
Forgiveness is resolution. It's taking
the time and energy to repair what is
broken.
It's identifying the reasons for the problem
and then agreeing to solve them.
Forgiveness heals. And it reignites love.
After counseling couples for over 30
years, one thing has remained constant.
I ask them, "Was it worth the effort to
forgive your spouse?" And the answer
has always been a resounding "yes."
So be of good courage as you begin
the journey of forgiving your spouse
and saving your marriage. You will be
glad you did.
There's a post over at the blog I think
might interest you.
It's called: How To Begin Forgiving A Cheating
Spouse. Just click this link to check it out:
That's all for today.
Until next week, this is Mike & Gayle
Tucker, and we're mad about marriage!
P.S. Know anyone this tip and post might
help? Then you have my permission to
share it with them.
Tucker, and we're mad about marriage!
P.S. Know anyone this tip and post might
help? Then you have my permission to
share it with them.