How often do you get real about the health/quality of your marriage?
Intentionally discussing
your marriage constructively with your spouse every three or four months is a great habit to have a healthy marriage.
The goal is to identify challenges, problems and/or opportunities for growth so you can be happier and have a more fulfilling relationship that meets your needs.
It only takes about 30 minutes and looks like this:
Getting Real Together
First, schedule a thirty minute executive meeting with your spouse.
In preparation of said meeting, identify what is really important to you, or any areas of conflict or tension in your relationship.
When it's time for your meeting, try not to get defensive, accusatory or petty. Stick to the allotted time, too. Remember, the goal isn't to attack your spouse but to strengthen your marriage.
If you need some help identifying potential issues, consider asking yourselves these general questions before the meeting:
- Are you satisfied with the amount of affection you receive from your spouse?
- Do you really understand each other and practice open communication?
- Are you
faithful to each other?
- Are you on the same page financially?
- Do you feel accepted by your spouse’s friends and family?
- How comfortable are you with your spouse’s sexual preferences?
- Does your spouse's sense of humor make you laugh or does it hurt?
- Are there any signs of abusiveness within the relationship?
- Do you and your partner support each other?
- How do you feel about the spiritual health of your marriage?
- Are you kind and respectful to each other?
- Do you both feel you're able to communicate your feelings freely?
3. List any issues and
solutions to bring up at your meeting.
4. List what you appreciate most about your spouse and marriage.
5. Start your
executive committee with one of your biggest concerns.
Let your spouse know what you'd like them to do to make things better. And remember, they get to do the same with you; it's not a one-way street.
Continue
the conversation until you've reached an agreement/compromise on all the points you're able to cover within the allotted 30 minutes.
6. As you close the meeting, share what you appreciate most about each other; elevate each other.
Close by thanking your partner for listening and considering your requests; always end the meeting on a positive note.
Bonus tip: You might consider agreeing on a safe word you can
use if either of you starts feeling dumped on or overwhelmed emotionally. Once the word is spoken, the meeting is adjourned to reconvene at a previously agreed upon time.
Get Your Marriage Back on Track
The whole purpose of evaluating your marriage is for you to grow and be happier. So
focus more on solutions than grievances by practicing these tips:
Imagine your ideal situation.
Imagine a perfect day in your relationship. Once you have this in mind, create a plan to get from your current reality to where you want to be.
Start by implementing bite-size pieces of your plan until your dream becomes real.
Let go of grudges.
Grudges have no place in healthy
relationships; let them go.
List your grudges on a piece of paper and then give yourself time to really think about them.
Get angry about them, grumble and wallow in misery for a set period of time. But once that time expires, torch them and make a conscious decision to not think about them anymore.
Nurture yourself.
If you don’t nurture yourself you can’t nurture your marriage.
In marriage, it's important to prioritize activities that keep you relaxed, healthy and whole. Scheduling “me” time is essential and is by no means selfish. It facilitates healthy relationships because spouses bring healthier versions of themselves to the table.
Until next week, this is Mike Tucker and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
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