Pain-free marriages don’t exist. Sadly, sometimes that pain is domestic abuse.
Abusiveness has
many faces. A spouse could be in an abusive relationship and not even know it.
Here are common forms of marital abuse & five ways to deal with them.
Types of Marital Abuse
Physical abuse,
This includes hitting, slapping, shoving, pinning down, chocking, kicking.
An abused spouse often stays in the marriage hoping their
partner will change, putting themselves in grave danger of physical and psychological injury.
Emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is less obvious but can hurt even worse.
Like all other forms of abuse, emotional abuse arises from an inherent desire by the abuser to control their partner.
It’s comprised of a variety of negative behaviors including intimidation, put-downs, negative criticism, manipulation, anger,
possessiveness and extreme jealousy.
The abuser often uses words like “I will kill you/ myself/ the kids” or “I will hurt you if you…,” The victim feels confused, worthless and trapped.
Verbal abuse.
Verbal abuse is more common than people care to admit. You see it everywhere too - I’ve seen it at the store, airport, even at the beach.
Verbal abuse
manifests as insults, swearing, name calling, yelling, screaming, shouting, threatening, shaming, and hurtful jokes.
The victim feels worthless, sometimes hopeless, and is often scarred for life. Verbal abuse is usually a stepping stone to other forms of abuse if not dealt
with.
Dealing With Abuse in Marriage
1. Acknowledge. Acknowledge your
situation and recognize the need for change.
2. Assess. Assess your safety risk. If in danger, leave. Be discreet with your plans because your spouse could feel threatened, triggering a violent reaction.
3. Ask. You must seek help to get out of an abusive relationship. Don’t be afraid to ask friends, family, counselors and/or your pastor. You might also need legal help or a restraining order for protection.
4. Healing. Being abused leaves deep physical and psychological wounds. You’ll need time to heal regardless of whether you choose to stay together.
If you’re a person of faith, your journey will involve prayer, grace, forgiveness and
spending time in God’s presence for a renewed understanding of His love and plans for your life. This enables you to feel valued, loved, understood and respected.
5. Reconciliation. Pursuing reconciliation after an abusive marriage can be a long and tedious process.
And before it can happen, the abusive spouse must recognize that she/he has a problem and must seek professional help. They must also demonstrate a genuine desire to change emotionally and spiritually.
Many readers of these weekly tips are in Christian marriages. So I’d like to encourage them by saying that if you’re in an unhappy marriage with an abusive spouse, it’s time for a change. Use the above tips to begin your journey to recovery.
Until
next week, this is Mike Tucker and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
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