A spouse who makes excuses won’t be in a happy marriage very long.
People use excuses to justify an offense or lessen personal responsibility; they blame situations, circumstances or people for why they didn't follow through.
People confuse excuses with reasons. Excuses are used to avoid or justify something. Reasons are genuine explanations that don’t lessen responsibility.
Excuses are seen as a cop out; they cause doubt, hurt and resentment. To avoid these issues, take responsibility and stop making
excuses.
Here’s how to get started.
CUT OUT EXCUSES AND BE HAPPIER
Realize you're responsible for your happiness & the success of your
marriage:
This realization might sting but it’s true; we're responsible for every action, reaction and decision we make. If thing aren’t going well in our marriage, we’re either making it better or worse by how we treat it daily.
And at the end of the day, our spouse isn't responsible for our
happiness, we are. Sure, they affect our happiness but they’re not the source of our happiness.
It’s okay to be wrong or fall short:
No one likes to fail or be wrong, that’s why people use excuses to create a story in which they’re right and haven’t
failed.
But if you’ve fallen short of your spouse’s expectations, or even your own, and those expectations are fair and reasonable, acknowledge it and try harder next time.
Stay away from people who are always making excuses:
People who make excuses typically surround themselves with other excuse makers because those people never challenge their excuses; it’s a dysfunctional support group where people use blame to connect with each other.
Consider replacing those friends with people in healthy relationships - people who take responsibility and won’t allow
you to make excuses for your relationship issues.
Accept total responsibility:
Let’s play a game. This might be a little bit uncomfortable but imagine for a minute that you chose to get married out of your own free will - that at one time you really wanted to be with the person you're
with, and that along the way maybe you’ve done some things that are creating unhappiness…what might some of those things be? And, is there anything you could change or "fix" to be happier and have a stronger marriage?
The purpose of this week’s tip isn’t to beat yourself up. Not at all.
It’s to try and shatter the illusion created by excuses that are keeping you stuck in an unhappy marriage, if indeed you are.
Maybe your marriage is great and you couldn’t be happier! If so, I’m genuinely very happy for you!
Not only does taking
responsibility restore trust but it goes a long way in preventing anger, resentment, and doubt. It protects you from blaming one another, and it strengthens character.
What excuses could you eliminate today in order to have a happier, healthier marriage?
Until next week, this is
Mike Tucker and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
