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There’s no
two ways about it, a rigid spirit and an inflexible temperament strain marital happiness, unless the other spouse always gives in just to keep the peace.
In Part One last week, I shared two ways to start being more flexible (if you missed it, I've pasted the tip in its entirety at the bottom of this page).
And as promised, this week I'm sharing three more (well, four actually).
PART TWO: HOW TO BE LESS CONTROLLING AND MORE FLEXIBLE
Don’t take life so
seriously – Most issues aren’t a matter of life or death. So try to see the brighter side; laugh at yourself & at any situations that normally make you hot under the collar. Not only will you be healthier but your spouse will be happier (much, much happier).
Go with the flow – People who go with the flow get a bad rap because they can be seen as slackers.
But, sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is just roll with it.
Have faith and trust that things will work out in the end because, well, most of the time they do.
An ancient promise says that all things work out for the good of those who
trust God.
We don’t need to force/coerce/manipulate situations in order for good things to happen to us. And just because we don’t have all the answers doesn’t mean
we’re not being divinely guided.
Surround yourself with flexible people – It’s been said that we become like the
five people we hang out with the most.
It’s hard to change your life if you’ve not changed the influences that are shaping your thoughts and beliefs.
Consider your friends, and others with whom you spend time, do they
tend to be more flexible and relaxed or critical and rigid?
Hang out with loving, gracious people whom you enjoy and whose values & standards you respect and wouldn't mind emulating.
If there are certain folks in your life that you don’t want to become like, maybe consider spending less time with them.
Be accountable to your spouse — Consider asking your spouse to let you know
when you’ve been a wee bit too rigid.
Caution: it might be a good idea to let time buffer your emotions. For instance, you might ask, “Honey, I’m really working hard at trying to be more easygoing, was there a time or two last week you can remember when I
could’ve been a little more open minded or flexible?”
Many of us struggle with being more flexible, especially in the face of relationship problems or marital conflict. And we fail to appreciate that our lack of flexibility often makes the situation worse.
If you’re going through a difficult
time in your marriage, try being more flexible. Be open to your spouse’s ideas even when they might push you beyond your comfort zone. At the very least, the two of you will be able to brainstorm possible solutions and compromises.
Developing a flexible spirit and happier temperament will infuse your marriage with great warmth and joy.
Until next week, this is Mike Tucker and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
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HOW CONTROLLING ARE YOU, PART 1 (originally
published on July 28, 2018)
Whose company would enjoy more, someone who is rigid and inflexible or easygoing and accommodating? How about your spouse, who would they
choose?
I bet you're more comfortable around someone who is flexible and accommodating; your spouse is, too.
Rigidness and
inflexibility create a multitude of marriage problems. This issue is so important that we’re splitting it into two parts with two tips to practice being more flexible this week and three more next week.
The good news is that flexibility can be learned...but it can be a real challenge for certain
temperaments.
Being flexible means being open to your partner’s hopes, ideas, dreams and plans.
It means going beyond your
comfort zone (which some spouses resist).
A flexible spouse welcomes their partner’s point of view.
Most of all, being
flexible means getting over the unhealthy idea that your wants and desires are more important than those of your spouse.
*** BUT, having a flexible attitude doesn’t mean that you become weak or passive to avoid conflict or relationship problems.
How to be Flexible in Marriage, Part I
Flexibility is a learned skill that requires practice. Here are some tips to consider practicing this week to become more easygoing:
Let go of attachments – We tend to become rigid as we age because we’re used doing things a certain way; this makes us feel safe and comfortable.
To be more flexible,
practice being less controlling - let go of the idea that things must work out a certain way for you to feel happy and secure; maybe the way things eventually turn out will be better than what you imagined or planned.
Be willing to be wrong – Everyone likes to be right. But if you're
so rigid that your spouse always has to agree with you, then you need to know that they're not really happy, and they feel they can't be themselves in the marriage.
Another side of this coin is when one spouse has the unhealthy compulsion to always appear right in the eyes of other people so as to earn or keep
their approval, which is often the case when it comes to family - we strive to stay in their "good" graces. This is unhealthy when you stop living your life and choose to live their life instead.
To be more flexible, practice being willing to be wrong every once in a while. And while you're at it, be
courageous and start practicing being your own person, too - even it means you don’t receive the full dose of approval you seek.
That's all for now. Next week I'll share three more tips to be more easygoing and flexible.
Until next week, this is Mike Tucker and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
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