Whose company would
enjoy more, someone who is rigid and inflexible or easygoing and accommodating? How about your spouse, who would they choose?
I bet you're more comfortable around someone who is flexible and accommodating; your spouse is, too.
Rigidness and inflexibility create a multitude of marriage problems. This issue is so important that we’re splitting it into two parts with two tips to practice being more flexible this week and three more next week.
The good news is that flexibility can be learned...but it can be a real challenge for certain temperaments.
Being flexible means being open to your partner’s hopes, ideas, dreams and plans.
It means going beyond your comfort zone (which some spouses resist).
A flexible spouse welcomes their partner’s point of
view.
Most of all, being flexible means getting over the unhealthy idea that your wants and desires are more important than those of your spouse.
*** BUT, having a flexible attitude doesn’t mean that you become weak or passive to avoid conflict or relationship problems.
How to be Flexible in Marriage, Part I
Flexibility is a learned skill that requires practice. Here are some tips to consider practicing this week to become more easygoing:
Let go of attachments – We tend to become rigid as we age because we’re used doing things a certain way; this
makes us feel safe and comfortable.
To be more flexible, practice being less controlling - let go of the idea that things must work out a certain way for you to feel happy and secure; maybe the way things eventually turn out will be better than what you imagined or
planned.
Be willing to be wrong – Everyone likes to be right. But if you're so rigid that your spouse always has to agree with you, then you need to know that they're not really happy, and they feel they can't be themselves in the marriage.
Another side of this coin is when one spouse has the unhealthy compulsion to always appear right in the eyes of other people so as to earn or keep their approval, which is often the case when it comes to family - we strive to stay in their "good" graces. This is unhealthy when you stop living your life and choose to live their life instead.
To be more flexible, practice being willing to be wrong every once in a while. And while you're at it, be courageous and start practicing being your own person, too - even it means you don’t receive the full dose of approval you seek.
That's all for now. Next week I'll share three more tips to be more easygoing and flexible.
Until next week, this is Mike Tucker and I want YOU to be mad about marriage!
